Feel Good Friday: Validation

This isn’t a music video, it’s a short film.  If you have 15 minutes to spare, I dare you to watch it.

Things I Remember Life Before

You know that survey someone releases every year, focusing on that year’s incoming freshmen and the world they grew up in? It has entries like they “have never known life without DVDs” or something like that.

Well, since I am feeling my years,I thought it would be neat to list the things that are commonplace now that I remember life without.  This should freak out the youngins.  Many of these things MIGHT have existed when I was little, their usage just wasn’t widespread enough for me to remember it. 

I remember life before:

• DVDs (and their players)  Heck, videocassettes came and went in my youth.
• CDs
• Microwaves (we warmed stuff up on the stove).  Popcorn was either popped in a large saucepan, or if you were lucky, Jiffy Pop.
• Cable TV.  You watched something on the big three (Fox didn’t exist, and PBS – I don’t even think it was called that back then – was for Grandpa).
• Unleaded gasoline.
• Cell phones
• Drip coffee makers (I remember when Joe DiMaggio introduced the first Mr Coffee in the 70’s). Every now and again you can catch me calling it a “peculator”.
• Airbags
• Remote controls (I remember some of the first ones.  They call it the “clicker” because at one time remote controls actually clicked.  The child’s job in the 70’swas to get up and change the channel.  Or hold the rabbit ears in that perfect spot to get a reception)
• Laptops.
• Whoops, I remember life without home computers.  (Oh, how I loved the TRS-80 and TI-99a when they came out!)
• Auto emissions standards.
• The Chzek Republic, a single country called “Germany”, Kazakhstan and any number of independent nations that were founded or re-founded after the Soviet Union fell.
• Cordless phones.
• The southern Auto Industry
• Working class southern people who vote Republican.
• Rich elites who aren’t Kennedys who vote Democrat.
• FM Radio (OK, that’s not totally true.  But in the early 70’s, NOBODY listened to FM that I knew of.  All the best stations  – WSM, WLAC, WMAK, WVOL, etc were on AM.
• MRIs.  If you got hurt, you got an X-Ray.
• Israel and Egypt at peace.
• The Opry House.  Shoot, Opryland was another thing that came and went.
• Jeans in church
• Drums and guitars in church (that was for those “holy rollers” as my dad called them)
• WalMart (at least in Nashville)

Anyway, that’s a good start.  I’m sure some of you other oldsters could come up with more.  Sometimes, when I tell my kids about my childhood, to them it’s like I lived in a cave or something.

Why I Spent Last Night In The Emergency Room

Yesterday, as I rushed to leave work to pick up my kids from school,  a wave of numbness shot down my left side.  Now, for the last month or two I’ve been having these weird bouts of numbness in my left arm, but this was different.  It was if I had stuck a pin into a light socket.  It was a wave, and for the first time in years and years, it was worrisome.

This went on for about 30-45 minutes.  Every time I turned my head, the wave would shoot down my left side.  Now, I’m the type to ignore illnesses, aches & pains - the men in  my family have some kind of allergy to seeing a doctor.  But this was alarming enough that I called Lintilla, who was sufficiently alarmed to call the doctor, who was sufficiently alarmed to tell me to go to the emergency room.

Wonderful.

On Dancing With The Stars finale night, no less.

I can tell you, the staff at Centennial Medical Center was first rate.  I was triaged right away, and before I knew it, I was in a room in the ER.  They hooked me up to all the beepy stuff, and before long a very personable doctor came in and checked me out.

Folks – from that point on, it was like I was a teenager again.  Even though I told them about the effects I’ve always lived with from being a DES baby, apparently seeing my spine is believing.  They did the CT scan (which was COOL!), and later, the doctor came to talk to me in a tone I had heard 30 years earlier, the first time someone had looked at my spine.

Radiologists and doctors just get excited about my spine.  I’ve come to accept that.  I’ve heard the words “interesting”, “unusual”, “funny”, and now “weird” describing my neck and spine.  The doctor last night said that the radiologist wrote a book in his report.

Apparently, I have a bunch of “C” and “T” vertebrae fused together.  We don’t know about the “L” because they didn’t scan that far down.   But apparently, this problem I’ve lived with my entire life has manifested itself in something called “stenosis” (sp?), basically a crowding out of the spinal cord.  Yipee. 

The doc did remind me what I already knew – because there is no wiggle room in my spine, a good neck whip will probably do me in.  SO no skydiving, skiing, or horseback riding.  There goes my career in NASCAR.  I wonder if this means I can get out of roadie work for the band?    I should probably take advantage.

I’ve always known that a good auto accident will probably kill me where it would only injure others, but the Lord has seen to it that I have been in not a single accident since I started driving (before many of you were born).  I guess He wanted me to hang around to annoy all you good people.  Having jinxed myself now, expect to be reading my obituary soon from a fender-bender on the way home. 

Funny – this past Sunday, I got excited at rehearsal and started banging my head (I’ve also let my hair grow out).  That PROBABLY contributed to my stenosis, so I need to quit doing that  

Of course, they referered me to a neurologist.  Just like when I was a teenager.  Been there, done that.  They’ll tell me there’s nothing they can do, and I’ll just have to live with it.  But not until after they’ve had a big medical staff party, popped popcorn, and gathered everyone around to look at my highly amusing CT scans. 

It’s tough being a celebrity.

Anyway, I know some of you were worried (I made a point of calling my Mom, because the last time I posted something medical about myself on Facebook, she freaked out).  I can say that nothing is wrong with me that wasn’t already wrong with me, except that the condition has now decided to be a real pain in the neck.

Dirty Old Sexist Pig

One reason we absolutely have to stop this not-so-subtle attempt to purge Mexicans from our city:  if our Spanish-speaking neighbors leave, most likely we will lose Telemundo.  And if we lose Telemundo, we lose Muy Buenos Dias.

Shut up.

I get up at 4:45 every moring, and I need evermore assistance to get the blood flowing.  And with some things in life, the language barrier just doesn’t matter.

Lately, I wake up, get a cup of coffee, let Lelan Statom tell me the weather, then flip the channel and take a little time to learn what’s hot in spanish-language music.

If you are up at 5 in the morning, I highly recommend the show.

Speaking of me being a sexist pig, here’s where I reveal a secret that will definitely make you think less of me.  There’s been one thing that has been bothering me about this whole Miss USA, Carrie Prejean dustup (besides the fact that it reminds me that Perez Hilton got famous with no discernable talent). 

It bothers me greatly that the producers of these pageants feel it neccessary to interject “issues” and other things of importance into what is essentially an entertainment show focusing on female beauty.  I’m speaking only as a “consumer” here.

I love and prefer the company of women who are smart and knowledgeable.   I also am not ashamed to admit that I appreciate female beauty.  I am extremely lucky that the woman I married 22 years ago is both highly intelligent and beautiful.

But, as a man, my mind just won’t let me concentrate on both at the same time. 

Apparently, I’m not alone.  According to an article in the NY Times about Miss America’s decline (from 2005):

Broadcasters show data proving that the talent show and the interviews, the pageant’s answers to feminist criticism, were the least popular portions of the pageant, while the swimsuit part still had the power to bring viewers back from the kitchen. 

Sorry.  I know many women get very upset with the compartmentalization that occurs in the male mind, but I really was born this way. 

Granted, some of it is just about context.  When I’m watching basketball, I would be highly upset if someone stuck a microphone in Lebron James’ face and asked him his opinion on TARP right after a slam dunk.  Not that I wouldn’t want to know his opinion, just not at that moment.

But anyway, back to important matters.  Politicians of Nashville, consider yourselves put on notice.  If your actions result in Telemundo being pulled from the air in our city (meaning no more Muy Buenos Dias), I will support your opponents, regardless of party.

Some things are far more important than politics.

Doubt

I have several blog/Facebook/Twitter/real-life friends who are each having a rough patch in his/her job as a parent.  When speaking to many of them, I realized that they might see me as one who maybe cannot empathise, because I seem like I have it together, and my kids are doing so well in school and in life.

Let’s just say I put up  a pretty good front.  And I think I do my fellow parents a disservice in the process. 

I can tell you this: from the moment a couple find out a baby is on the way, life is one long exercise in self-doubt.  It NEVER GOES away.  And the world is filled with people who are more than willing to feed and reinforce that doubt.

• If circumstances keep us from breastfeeding, will the baby be malnourished or underdeveloped? Soy or Similac?
• Do I circumcise my boy, and scar him emotionally for life? Or leave him uncircumcised, and make him more susceptible to infections?
• If we do not co-sleep, will the baby have bonding issues and turn into a serial killer? If we do, will she be clingy and never become independent?
• Do we “Ferberize”? Oh, God, he’s SCREAMING in there! Are you sure we’re doing the right thing?
• If I put her in daycare, will I be letting strangers raise her? If I don’t, how the heck can I afford all these diapers and all this formula? If we keep her home, will she be developmentally behind those who go to preschool?
• Do I give him gun toys when he begs? Will he grow up and go an a shooting spree? Or, if I raise him androgynously, am I just setting him up to get the crap beat out of him later?
• Do I reinforce social stereotypes and give her a doll when she begs? If I don’t, am I killing her maternal instinct (which she’ll most likely need later)?
• Do we enroll him in public school, meaning he’s very likely going to need some remedial education when he gets to college (as I did), or impoverish ourselves and enroll him in private school, meaning he’ll always be a step below his classmates on the economic scale (which becomes VERY important in the middle school ages)?
• Do we dive headlong into our internationally adopted children’s “home” culture, and if we do, what do we do when they reject that culture and just want to go get a hamburger?
• Do we intervene in every conflict she has, to protect her, or do we let it play out to teach her independence and conflict resolution?  Where is that line?
• Do I buy those $100 shoes, or attempt to teach him the value of being yourself over trying to fit in?  In middle school isn’t that like trying to grasp the wind?  Will he get put in the lower tiers of the school social hierarchy over it?  Am I really prepared to let him become an outcast over this?  Is it worth it?
• How do we handle the kids’ appetites?  Indulge them too much, you’ve hamstrung them (both socially and health-wise) by letting them get overweight (fair or not, that’s the way it is).  Obsess over it, and one day, they check your daughter into rehab because she has anorexia.
• Do I let him go to the sleepover, knowing a kid with really bad behaviors will be there?  Or do I trust that he’ll follow my teaching about what’s right and wrong?  When is the right age to do this?
• Do I hold fast to my rule about piercings and makeup, when the fact that all of her friends are doing them makes my policy so arbitrary? 
• Do we let them see that really “important” movie which teaches a valuable social or political lesson, even if it means exposing them to R-rated language, sex and violence?
• DO we make a big deal over his race, or downplay it as much as possible?  If we downplay it, are we setting up identity issues later?
• What if he’s a little overweight, but refuses to participate in any sport or physical activity?  Do you force it on him for his own good?
• Do we join the herd and get them cell phones (which really come in handy when everybody is traveling around willy nilly with activities), or teach the kids an important lesson about frugality?
• How do we handle church when they start to hate it?  Force them to go and participate, and you end up with classic, predictable PK behaviors.  Let them drop out, and you lose a valuable moral support system at the age the kids most desperately need it.
• How much of our politics do we pass down to them, while still letting them find their own voice?  What if mom and dad disagree about an issue?  How do you present it to the children objectively?
• Do you let them work part time, to learn the value of labor and money, or do you stress that academic study is their job, and provide everything for them?
• How much “sex talk” is enough?  If you’ve covered most of it (but not all), and the kid rolls his eyes and says he already knows the rest and insists you respect his privacy and quit talking about it, do you press on anyway?  Do you give him a test and let him CLEP his way out of it?

…this only scratches the surface, and I’ve just gotten to puberty.  I’m sure Susie and Busy Mom could add a LOT more.

The doubt will drive you insane if you let it.  The only way to stay sane is to pick a path and hope you’ve chosen wisely.  If you haven’t, backtrack if you can, and try not to sweat it if you can’t.

I recently was racked with doubt when I did a study of our finances, since money has been running short lately.  It was quite a shock to see it there in paper: I spend around 40% of my take home pay to send my kids to private school.  And most high schools are around double what we’re paying now.  That’s just not sustainable.  I am scrambling to find savings elsewhere in the budget, and maybe find one more source of income.

Add to that the fact that some of my friends (like Susie) have kids graduating from public school, and they are such intelligent, well behaved, fine young men and women.  (Having great, dedicated parents is probably the biggest factor).

So I am really, really doubting the path we’ve chosen. 

Yet, it has always been very, very important to us to surround our kids with a world that has college and high achievement as an expectation.  It was not (an expectation) for me when I was growing up, so as soon as things got difficult, I bolted.  Whn I had kids of my own, I swore my they would not have college held as just another thing you might do when you turn 18.

Also, for Lintilla, putting our kids in that world of high-acheivement expectation is non-negotiable, so I’m going to have to make it work somehow.

Then, last week I’m persuing a blog I really love to read (always with a grain of salt), and in the comments of a particular rambling post, the conversation amongst the participating academics (most of them childless), turned to how their worst, I think the word was “uninteresting”, students were those who were raised with an expectation, as opposed to a hope, of college.

The timing of my reading that comment was quite poor.  I may have done damage to a nearby wall – it’s all a bur.

It took me over a week to come to the realization that this is cheap pontification – it costs the participants nothing.

Oh, those wacky parents, always permanently messing up their kids and sending them off to us to teach, tee, hee.

I can tell you, those of us who stand before you covered in the spittle and pee and feces, with baby food in our hair, and uneraseable  crayon art on our walls, who bear the scars of every tear and “I hate you!”, who have endured the stares from all the people who were sure we were parenting wrong, who really would like to recover from a sleepless night of worry, but we can’t because we have to help with algebra which is due tomorrow although we only just found out about today, who aren’t sure from one moment to the next if they are supposed to be chauffer of referee, who have anxiously rushed a kid to the hospital one day, sick with worry, only to be called “the worst parent ever” the next, who work two or three jobs just to give their kids every chance to be able to make it in the world…

We are not amused.

Don’t get me wrong – parenthood is as rewarding as it is hard – even moreso. 

But, after reading those comments, it tore me up inside so much that I really didn’t sleep for a week.  My doubt, though, has settled into anger.

You can second guess the parents you see, you can even second guess your own parents and blame them for all of your shortcomings.  Just know that whatever they did wrong in your eyes – it was not flippant.  I can guarantee you they worried and prayed and lost sleep, and did what they thought was right, all the while doubting themselves.

All a parent can really do is what Rhett Butler did in Gone With The Wind: bow low to our accusers, apologize for our shortcomings, and walk away.  They really won’t understand until they’re in our shoes.

Finally

Hi guys.  Long time, no post.  I’ll be getting back in the habit soon, I hope.  But first, I’d like to tell you about something.

My band, X-Alt is finally, finally ready to release our latest studio project, On The Air.  It will officially go on sale May 31st at Revival 2009. 

Here is a video Ford Prefect made with little 10-second samples of most of the tracks.  I am amazed by the diversity of sound we’ve produced.

We’ve got not only our usual rollicking R&B tinged praise numbers, but also some rockers, jazzy ballads, a rock-comedy song I wrote about how southern cities act during snowstorms (special guest appearance by a Nashville weatherman you all know and love), a renaissance fair version of “Come Thou Fount”, and many guest appearances by some awesome musicians.  To top it all off, we tapped into our old school roots, and made On The Air a concept album.

This project took a very long time – I wish I could give you some VH1 Behind The Music drama as a reason, but alas, it was just life.  Illnesses, surgeries, day jobs, and running short on money were major contributors

I’m quite proud of what we’ve produced.  Certainly we’ll be selling the CD in all the usual places (including iTunes), but I’d suggest coming to the big Revival May 29-31, because you’ll not only hear our new stuff, but also some of the most diverse music and preaching to be heard in Nashville.

Come With Me So You Can See What’s Going On

If you don’t care for long, random “what’s been going on since my last substantial post” posts, you can always check out Newscoma, who gives us Dwarf in a Pie.

What’s been going on?

Mostly, we’ve been preparing for Lintilla’s upcoming (as in Tuesday) surgery to remove the tumor from her kidney.  They tell us she’ll be in the hospital 3 days (hopefully the gases will flow freely this time and she can get discharged on time).  The plan is that she’ll spend two weeks at home recovering, then have a couple more weeks of “light duty”, then back to normal. 

We purposely chose next week because the kids will be on spring break, and we won’t have the logistical problem of getting the kids to and from school.  They’ll spend some time with friends from our church family, some time at the hospital, and some time at home. (That’s a whole other discussion.  They have the great combination of maturity and sloth which makes them uniquely qualified as 11-12 year olds to be at home alone in certain situations).

So, I’m struggling to get the house clean, because I know we’re going to have a LOT of visitors the next couple of weeks.  We’re trying to institute a chore calendar (about 6 years too late), so hopefully I’ll get a little help.  It gets a little tiring, cooking and cleaning for every one else while working a full time and a part time job and participating in a music mission.  I’ll admit, I’ve let up a little lately and just let the house go.  I’ll clean before dinner, but after dinner, the best I’ll do is get the dirty dishes to the sink.

Our kids aren’t bad; they’ve followed our priorities.  We’ve always asked them to be Professional Students, and they are.  They don’t think twice or complain about putting in 2-3, sometimes 4  hours a night doing homework, and it reflects in pretty good grades at a very challenging school.  Nevertheless, I could use a little help around here, so we’re trying to bring things back into balance.  Not to mention that cooking, cleaning and laundry are basic life skills, and they are going to need them when they become adults.

In a way, I’m glad Lintilla is going to be out of work for a few weeks.  Her employer seems to be going through major chaos right now, with officials resigning left and right, and some kind of power struggle going on over the home health and facility teams.  She needs to get away from all that work drama for a while; her job is tiring enough without all that stress.

My mom was in the hospital for a couple of days this week.  The doctors are pretty sure she had a TIA, or mini-stroke.  Her vision became blurred in one eye, and her speech slowed.  They’ve put her on Plavix, which she’s not happy about, but it’s a necessary evil.  It’s sad, because Mom had just started getting better from all her other problems related to a fall a couple of years ago.  She’s been almost pain free and has been getting her strength back.  Now, she must take two steps back and start again.  Meh.

The major reorganization at my job is turning out to be a good thing that rose out of the awful layoffs.  Our two-man team has been given responsibilities that match our skill sets, and we are a couple of excited geeks.  It’s been a little stressful, transitioning our current duties and the new ones, but we had both been in a slump since the layoffs, and this has lit a nerd fire in us again.  Plus, it looks like I’m going to get to move to a different floor for the first time in 13 years.

It tickles me me death that Trillian is writing a novel.  I was about her age when I wrote my first, and I’ve complained here endlessly about how the producers of Red Dawn stole my story!  Of course, my version was set in Smithville, TN, but I’m still amazed that I wrote a book in 5th grade and later saw the same story on the big screen.  ANYWAY, I told Trillian to write away, and when she’s done, I’ll proofread for her then we’ll try to get it published.

She said the funniest thing: that being a published author would be a great extracurricular activity when she applies to high schools.  Heh.

I’m thinking about growing my hair semi-long.  I want it to look like this guy, but every time I grow my hair out, it ends up looking like this guy.  And I have the really cool white chin beard which makes me look either like a wise sage, or a little dangerous like a suburban unibomber.

I have made our lives into a cliche.  Due to some awful decisions over the last few years, we are now living paycheck to paycheck.  It wasn’t George Bush’s fault, it wasn’t Barack Obama’s fault, it was us (especially me).  We are now in the situation of digging ourselves out.  God willing, I will stay employed long enough to get us out of it.  We need to hang on long enough to pay off one of the cars next year, then things should snowball nicely.  Looming out there is high school in a couple of years, which costs 30-50% more than we’re paying now.  If I don’t get out of this mess now, it will affect my kids’ lives forever.  That’s motivation.

But oddly enough, we’re going to Disney World in June!  Don’t worry, most of it is being paid for with points from our Disney Visa (one of those huge mistakes from the last few years).  For you Disneyphiles, we’ll be staying a Coronado Springs resort, and we’re on the dining plan.  We’re on the buy 4 nights get 3 free special, otherwise we’d never be able to stay on Disney property.  Due to all these danged surgeries, Lintilla hasn’t had a vacation in a few years, and dammit, this year she’s getting one.

The band is working hard on our next CD.  We’re trying to get it completed before the huge tent revival going on in the west side of town in May.  It’s going to be AWESOME, and just what this city needs in these tumultuous times.  If economy has you afraid, tired, or depressed – this revival will be just what the doctor ordered.  There’s going to be such a diverse gathering of believers, speakers and musicians!  Just seeing the waves of bikes pulling up from Covenant Confirmers will make coming out worth it for you!   I’ll be posting more about it as the days go by, just mark your calendars to come to the revival the weekend of May the 29th. 

That ought to be enough for now.  I don’t know what time I’ll have to post , so look for quick updates on Facebook.

Feel Good Friday: Video Killed A Lot of Stuff

And thus began the fall of modern civilization.

In Which I Play The Contrarian

I usually stay out of the business of being a contrarian, there are people I respect  who are far better than I at it.  Nevertheless, there have been examples lately where it seems like the whole world thinks one way, and I just can’t bring myself to feel the same.  I almost never have had a thought I didn’t rush to post on this blog, so here goes.

The first example is pretty innocuous, I suppose.  This past Saturday, the family and I needed to make a grocery run, so we decided to see what all the hubub was about and went to Trader Joe’s.  I don’t need to tell you how much people rave about this place.  I hear it at work, at church, on the blogs.  “The place is incredible!”, I have been told time and again.

Well, let’s just say, I don’t get it.

First of all, the place was so small in comaparison to say, Kroger, that it’s hard to call it a grocery store.  I understand, it’s built for urban hipster wannabees, not big suburban families.  Even the carts are tiny.  I’m feeding two quasi teenagers and a couple of plus-sized adults.  Those carts are big enough to hold, well, lunch.  The largest unit of ground beef was 1 pound.

There were only store brands, which I expected, but that fact left me totally disoriented.  Which “crunchy puffs” or “organic wheat squares” is the equivalent of Life Cereal?  I was faced with performing a translation with every item I wanted to buy.  (Keep in mind, I’m a born-and-raised southerner.  Soft drinks, no matter what flavor, are “Cokes”.  Tissues are “Kleenexes”, no matter the brand).

Regardless, the place just left me frustrated and disoriented.  Give me my big box.  I want to feed my family and save money.  That’s all.

Maybe y’all can fill me in about what’s so great about Trader Joe’s.  I just don’t get it.

OK, now for the one that will cause every person that is reading this to feel an overwhelming urge to have me committed.  There is something that EVERYONE says, Democrat, Republican, left right, political junkie, political neophytes.  It is more than conventional wisdom that our president, Barack Obama, is a great orator.

I do not agree.

I just don’t think that Mr Obama is a great orator.  A great speaker, yes.  But not a great orator.  I’m afraid we’re living in a generation that has no frame of reference for great oratory, so we give the prize to anyone who is a good speech-giver.  Great oratory, in my opinion, is a specific thing.

Now, keep in mind, this is like giving one’s opinion of a particular piece of music.  Much of it is taste.  My criteria may not be yours, and that’s OK.  You can tell my why my criteria is wrong, if you know better.  Keep in mind also that my idea of great oratory is heavily influenced by my upbringing:  I am southern and religious.  So, of course, that will color my idea of just what great oratory is.

Above all, great oratory is very musical.  It must have a certain cadence. Mr Obama has a cadence, but I noticed in his quasi SOTUspeech, he rushes it, and he never variates the tempo.  Great oratory also makes use of the well-timed pause.  It also uses volume to great effect.  Mr Obama knows how to raise his voice during applause lines, but really great oratory requires the voice to soften at particularly poignant times.  The best can even add a touch of frailty to the voice at these moments. 

Mr Obama, like Celine Dion, doesn’t seem to know how to get extra quiet for effect.

To be honest, Obama’s speaking style is that of a professor.  A very good professor, one whose lectures you never want to miss.  But, I think this is one of the places where he falls short of great oratory.

You see, like any good professor, he stands before the room, and speaks toeveryone there.  There is another level,one that only the great orators have mastered.  A great orator will start in the same position, standing in front of the listener and speaking to him.  However, sometime in the first third of the speech, he will figuratively approach the listener, pivot, and stand beside him.  This is usually done through humor (self-deprecating is best), which from Mr Obama always sounds forced.

Once “beside” the listener, the best orator can then place his arm around the listener, and through his speech say,”Come, walk with me on this journey”. This is usually accomplished by personal anectdote leading to the first point in the meat of the speech. 

The great orator always has the listener (each and every one, individually) walking on a journey with him.

Mr Obama never takes us with him.  He stands before us and gives a lecture.  Once again, this is a great style, and he’s wonderful at it, but this is not great oratory.

Key elements are missing: pauses, variable cadence, appropriate and dramatic volumes, ample humor in the first and last thirds of the speech, and a certain warmth which, to be quite honest, Obama does not project at all.

Another great oratorical method (that I’ve used quite a bit), is leaving a stealth grenade.  In the first third of the speech, one leaves an idea, almost in passing, usually through anecdote.  It is then forgotten until the very end of the speech where it in reintroduced in new, profound ways, causing the listener to feel a sweet joy at discovering a Truth from the other side.  It’s hard to explain, you have to see it in practice.

For the record, very few political speakers in the modern era have all of these skills.  Bill Clinton had them, but he didn’t know when to shut up, and usually lost the listener by the time he got to the 6th point of his ten-point plan.  Reagan had bits and pieces, but I never heard a speech from him with all of the needed elements (let’s face it, Reagan didn’t do cadence).  JFK , in the speeches I’ve seen, was a great orator.  He had all the elements.

I know you’re curious, so I’ll tell you:  the best orators I ever heard were Martin Luther King, Jr, and Billy Graham. Yeah, I know…southern preachers. 

Like I said, you might have different criteria for what great oratory is.  I’ve told you mine, and president Obama does not quite measure up.  This is not to say he isn’t a great speaker.  But great oratory, like I said, is a specific thing.

Awkward Moments

My employer, having recently laid off 10% of its IT workforce, did what a company has to do when such things happen, and put instituted a major personnel reorganization.  As expected, I’ve been moved to a new department with an entirely new mission.  I’m not upset about this at all – I am far more comfortable with change than I am with stagnation.

My new boss, whom I met for the first time last week, very wisely sent out questionaires to all the employees he now manages, in order to get a decent handle on our skills and current responsibilities.  There were also several housekeeping questions (upcoming time off, etc).  And a question which brought an answer out of me that was quite unexpected.

The question was “Area of Professional Interest”, meaning the typical “Where do you want to take yourself professionally in the next few years?”  I answered the usual answers: upgrading certifications, learning the latest toolset, cross-training within my new department.  But then, without thinking much about it, I added this:

Long range: Go back to school to complete BA or BS degree.

After I hit “send”, I looked at the form again, and said, “What the?  Where did THAT come from?  I haven’t even considered college in over 20 years!”

And now, I’m left sorting out why I have this desire I’ve left dormant for more longer than your average college graduate has been alive.  You see, if I were to do such a thing, I would want to do it for the right reasons – not as some mid-life crisis self-indulgence, certainly.  My own kids’ education HAS to come first.

Being from a blue collar family, I have the typical working class view of higher education: it is a means to an end.  It is training more than enlightenment.  Learning for its own sake is important; as a Christian, I consider it my duty to “think God’s thoughts after him”.  Lintilla and I have built our family life where learning is something we just do, like eating.  Our kids have accepted this.  But, I can’t help where I come from and how I was raised: In my view, formal education should prepare a person for a specific job or career.  I know you may disagree with this, but I’m too old to change who I am.

So, that brings up an interesting question.  If I put in all the extra work it would require to get a degree (I would basically be starting all over), to what end?  In my chosen field, I am pretty highly compensated (till the healthcare industry collapses, at least).  I don’t see how a newly minted BS added to my resume would help my career, considering I’d be over 50 when I completed it.  I can imagine the most common comment being, “You did it backwards, didn’t you?”.  No, I’ve gotten this far without a degree; if I stay on this path.

I’ve made it no secret that, mid-life, I’d love to switch careers and become a writer.  Journalist, columnist, author – it really doesn’t matter; I could be happy with any of them.  But, here’s the problem.  Anyone who’s paid attention knows a J-school degree, still based on the old industries that are dying, is becoming worth less and less.  An English degree?  Yeah, I’d have a ball getting it, but I just don’t see what that would buy me.

I don’t want to bore you with anymore details of my musings; just know that the world is open to me…I could go in almost any direction.  The specifics I can work out, maybe with a little career counseling.

But, one thing is certain:  there is a part of me that desperately wants to right this ancient wrong.  I have few regrets, but this is one of them.  I was supposed to have been the son who would be the first to get a degree; my brother, in his 40’s, acheived that distinction instead (and I am proud of him!).

And then there are those awkward moments, when I’m having a conversation with this or that person, and I’m wowing them with my intellect and creativity.  Then, the subject changes to which school I graduated from.  When I tell them, there is a change in their eyes.  you can almost see the person’s mind working overtime, reworking the view of who I am and where I fit in relation to them.  He or she, in that split second, takes me out of one box, and puts me in another. 

I am diminished in their eyes.  They don’t say it out loud, but it’s still there to see.

A lifetime of those awkward moments eats away at a guy, you know?

So, I’m going to see what I can do about it.