Thanksgiving Manifesto

No, I haven’t talked to you much lately – mostly because the nature of blogging requires one to come across in self-assured pomposity (even when proclaiming doubt), and lately I have been feeling anything but self-assured.  Having two teens (or teenager-like beings) in the house will do that to you.

However, I thought I’d throw you all a curveball and post something longer than a Twitter post.

Let me first say that I give thanks to God for all things.  I don’t deserve a bit of it, and I spend a good amount of time in wonder that I have been bestowed with such bounty – in material things, in love, family and friendship, in purpose.  In a truly just world, I would have none of it. 

God is good, all the time.

However, in the deep breath before the yearly holiday craziness, I’d like to address the controversial issue most pressing in my mind:

Dressing or stuffing?

Now, I try to address issues of food from a utilitarian point of view, because, according to my faith, I have been freed from having to ponder the morality of every food decision I make.  Being programmed otherwise, I still struggle with seeing certain foods as ‘good’ or ‘bad’.

(As an aside, the only good thing that comes out of the fact that many people view food choices from a moral point of view is that often we get to see naked or near-naked skinny women protesting the eating of this or that animal.  Being a fan of the female form, who am I to argue with that?  Although I would prefer meat-eating naked protesters, because meat eating produces, for me, the ideal female form, beggars can’t be choosers)

Anyway…even our doctors seem to approach our food choices from a point of view that sure sounds like morality to me.  But, I digress.

Yet, this is one food issue in which I am willing to take a moral stand.

Let me be clear:  stuffing is an abomination.

It dries out the turkey, it introduces harmful bacteria, and it’s a serious misuse of breadcrumbs.  And I’d really rather not stick my arm up the inner cavity of a bird any more than I have to.

Dressing, more specifically cornbread dressing, is one of the greatest foods ever created.  Done right, it is moist but not soggy, flavorful but not pungent, and compliments the turkey perfectly.  It’s good as a leftover, and I even like it cold, right out of the refrigerator.

It is by far the best use for the spice sage.  In fact, besides fried chicken breading, I can think of no other decent use for the strong green spice.

Anyway, since I wish you and yours the happiest of Thanksgivings, of course I hope you have a day filled with cornbread dressing and sweet tea.

I will be having turkey tomorrow, so if any of you lovely vegan ladies would like to come to my house to protest in the buff, my 13-year-old son would really appreciate it.  I’ll even make a batch of green beans without animal fat for you (even though that, too, is an abomination.  Crunchy cooked vegetables?  Weird.)

Seriously, I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.