Here’s a nice, long-winded catch up post. Let me tell you what’s been going on lately:
- Lintilla had a procedure this morning called an EGD. She has been having trouble swallowing for quite a while now, so we’ve finally gotten around to getting a doctor to figure out what was wrong. They basically put a camera down her throat and looked around. There was a “stricture” (the doctor, who looked a lot like a 30-something Kumar from the “Harold and Kumar” movies, said this is quite a common thing), so he used something to, in effect, “stretch” her throat – kind of like a shoe stretcher. They also found a spot that may be an infection on her stomach – now she’s on Pepcid. All went well (Versed makes everything OK) and she is now at home taking it easy.
- We got more pictures of Lintilla’s insides. Because she is camera shy, we probably have more photos of her innards than we do of Lintilla on the outside. I think I’m turning Japanese…
- We go to the doctor about “that damned spot” on June 12, which happens to be her birthday!
- The kids are having a great time in Florida, and as expected, Zaphod doesn’t miss us very much and isn’t looking forward to coming home. He’s become big friends with my brother Scott (all that video game bonding). Trillian is starting to show signs of homesickness, but is still having a wonderful time. She really loves my mother.
- Trillian did have to go to the emergency room last week. She was having extremely painful stomach problems, and we were afraid she had the same problem that sent her to the Vanderbilt Emergency room in December. However, it turned out to be a severe allergic reaction to the antibiotic she was on for an ear infection. I am SOOOOO glad my dad asked us to print and sign a consent to seek treatment form before we left; without it, there would have been a huge hassle getting treatment for her. You who are parents, if your kids go out of town without you to visit grandparents, PRINT AND SIGN ONE OF THESE FORMS!
- We’ve gotten a lot done on the house. Zaphod is a hoarder, and we’ve cleared out so much stuff, we just don’t know what to do with all of the room. We didn’t clear out anything “important”, but he’ll probably complain, anyway. The house is almost clean enough that I wouldn’t mind inviting one or two of you over sometime.
***Mature Euphemism Alert***
I had been looking forward to these two weeks for a long time. Lintilla has been slowly,steadily healing from the hysterectomy. We were going to be ALL alone for two weeks. I planned romantic dinners, dates, and, well…
Good Lord. We could even make NOISE.
After 6 months of anticipation, I was sooo excited.
So what do I do? Two weeks before the trip, I break my tailbone.
Now, you young men might think I’m being a wimp – I know when I was a young man I wouldn’t let broken bones get in the way of a little lovin’. And it’s not like I’m OLD and need Viagra; I can still salute if an officer walks by. But, let me give you some idea what I’m dealing with. Try this:
1) Give your wife a rubber mallet.
2) Put a bullseye on your back where your tailbone is. Bend over a little so she can get the right angle (you might want to wear a cup if she’s a bad aim).
3) Tell her to swing away.
4) If your coccyx isn’t broken, tell her that those jeans make her look fat, and ask her to swing again.
5) Wait a couple of days to let the adrenaline calm down.
6) Go ahead and make love, not war.
Report back to me and tell me how pleasant it is.
***End Euphemism alert***
- In other news, those of you who live in Bellevue/West Meade might wonder what all that construction is on Hwy 70 going over 9-Mile Hill. It might be the only construction site in Nashville that doesn’t involve condos. They are constructing the athletic facilities for Harding Academy (first reported HERE at STM). By the way, this is all happening right in front of my house. (That’s right, you stalkers). I love the sound of earth movers in the morning.
- I think Don West may be my favorite sports talk show host in Nashville. He reminds me of the first chef I ever worked under, with that gruff voice and slightly sexist demeanor. Plaster is just boring to me now.
- Feeding two people is exponentially cheaper than feeding four. Don’t ask my why, but it costs well less than half.
- Now that our kids are approaching teendom, we’re considering getting rid of the “whimsical” color schemes in our house. Are any of you interior decorators? We need some advice.
- I don’t believe in “luck” as some sort of magical, mystical force, but I am one very fortunate SOB. Things just come easy to me. I don’t know why. I know that I’ve done nothing to be favored by God. But I do know that bad things seem to slide right off of me, and good things seem to stick. Maybe it’s attitude; I really don’t know.
- I got to thinking about that because my other blogging gig is going very, very well. The numbers of people who visit UBN would make me one of the “big guys” if I had a political blog. I had more page views there last month than this blog (and most of those I read) will have in 4 or 5 YEARS. And I haven’t done anything special; I just implemented the SEO tips my editor taught me, learned who my readers were, and stayed true to myself. It’s really amazing what a success it has been so far. And the numbers just keep getting better and better. Just like with programming, entertainment writing just seems to come naturally to me. I’m much better at writing about TV shows and celebrities than I am writing about myself. On that (personal and family) front, I can never approach the writing of The Master.
- BTW, throw out everything you think you know about those who read entertainment blogs. My readers at UBN are more thoughtful and intelligent than many I’ve seen on far more “serious” blogs. I count myself as extremely fortunate to have attracted such a large following of intelligent readers.
Well, that ought to be enough info for you to swallow; besides, my butt hurts; it’s time to walk around for a bit.