Churchy Phrases (Methodist Edition)

Kat’s post about churchy phrases made me laugh.  Having been in quite a number and variety of churches through X-Alt’s music ministry, I recognized them as primarily Baptist (although I’ve heard them in Assembly of God type churches as well).  Now, I don’t think I’ve ever heard them in a Methodist church, so I thought I would add a few phrases I’ve hear, especially in “city” Methodist churches (I don’t want to say “urban” because that means something entirely different in this day and time).

We’ll bring it up in the [X] Committee

This means “We don’t really want to do whatever it is you’re suggesting, but we don’t want to hurt your feelings.  The church bureaucracy will squash your idea, and we can say ‘we TRIED’.

Peace And Justice

“Peace” is and important concept in Christianity.  “Justice” (IMHO) even more so.  I think each of these should be huge part of our mission in the world, personally and corporally as a body of Christ.  However “peace and justice”, when phrased like that and spoken from the pulpit really means “You can get your Obama bumper sticker at the associate pastor’s house”.

I’ll be brief

I’ve been in many churches where, if things are running behind, they’ll stretch the service until the entire program is complete.  Heck, I’ve been in urban churches whose service would last 2, 2 and a half, even 3 hours!  But, most Methodist churches run a tight ship on a strict schedule.  If things get behind, it is up to the pastor to set things right.  He has to cut one of his three points, or drop the joke about the old lady and the junk dealer.  If he doesn’t do this, prominent members of the church will begin looking at their watches.  After all, we’ve got to beat the Baptists to O’Charleys!

There are many more, but Kat had three, so I’ll stop there, before I get excommunicated, which in the Methodist Church means they stop telling you when the committee meetings are. 🙂

Posted in Humor. 5 Comments »

5 Responses to “Churchy Phrases (Methodist Edition)”

  1. nm Says:

    Just a question from the ignorant here: do you consider a 2-hour weekly service long? It sounds that way from your phrasing.

  2. Slartibartfast Says:

    nm, let’s just say that my church prefers to keep things right at an hour. (This is after an hour of study in “Sunday School”). If the music and sermon are good, 2 hours passes before I know it. If not, Methodists start believing in hell again. 🙂

  3. Warrior Says:

    nm is right. We are wimps. When Wesley was preaching, he’d start in the morning, break for lunch, then keep going all afternoon. People started bringing picnics to hear him (he was not allowed inside the churches, too radical), thus began “Dinner on the Ground”!

  4. nm Says:

    Eh, Warrior, I’m fairly sure that if Slarti had a preacher as dynamic and revolutionary as John Wesley to listen to, he wouldn’t be checking his watch all that much. Not that I blame those who don’t have religion-founding-worthy charisma, but you have to admit that it’s rare.

    Now, me, I have all the patience in the world for a long service on Saturday, and room for all the ritual, without the least boredom, but on Friday night I’d be happy if it was just, “hiya, Sabbath!” and go home.

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