I’m all excited because I just discovered that my cell phone has a tip calculator.
Not that I would normally need it. When restaurant tipping, our default 20% is easily calculated in the head: take two 10 percents (which most third graders can calculate), and add them together. Even I can do it.
But there are (rare) times when less than stellar service means will merit a 15% tip. Although I THINK I can figure it out on the fly (one ten percent + half again), it’s nice to have a little electronic help. Plus the thing helps you calculate how to split the tip if you have more than one person in your party. What a neat toy.
IF the waiter slapped my dog and called my momma a Nazi cow, I’d have to lower the tip to 10 percent. I do not tip below ten percent, ever. I will not have a person who brought me food, no matter how bad or rude they are, be paid $2 wages for the entire time I am requiring their services. Your mileage may vary, I just won’t do it.
Which of course, brings us to those everlasting controversies about tipping. There are always questions:
Would you ever NOT leave a tip?
What are your tipping rules for buffets (assuming the wait staff still bring your drinks)?
Do you tip the girls at Sonic – and how much?
Is 10% a decent pizza delivery tip? Or do you just make it a flat 2 or three bucks?
Do you tip more if the waiter/waitress flirts with you? (think Hooters). Men, if the Hooters waitress takes forever bringing your food, but regularly brushes up against you and leans over the table strategically, do you still tip big? Be honest. BTW, women, I was once a waiter. If you think we men don’t play these games with you (albeit more subtly), you are mistaken. And you do tip more when we flirt with you.
Anyway, I am so happy to know I have a tip calculator in my cell phone.
Just in case, you know, I ever, like, go back to Hooters.