Courtesy: Wikipedia (emphases mine)
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People:
- “Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.”
- “Give people a feeling of importance; praise the good parts of them.”
- “Get the other person to do what you want them to by arousing their desires.”
Six Ways to Make People Like You:
- “Become genuinely interested in other people.”
- “Remember that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”
- “Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.”
- “Talk in the terms of the other man’s interest.”
- “Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.”
Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking:
- “Avoid arguments.”
- “Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never tell someone they are wrong.”
- “If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.”
- “Begin in a friendly way.”
- “Start with questions the other person will answer yes to.”
- “Let the other person do the talking.”
- “Let the other person feel the idea is his/hers.”
- “Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.”
- “Sympathize with the other person.”
- “Appeal to noble motives.”
- “Dramatize your ideas.”
- “Throw down a challenge.”
Nine Ways to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment:
- “Begin with praise and honest appreciation.”
- “Call attention to other people’s mistakes indirectly.”
- “Talk about your own mistakes first.”
- “Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.”
- “Let the other person save face.”
- “Praise every improvement.”
- “Give them a fine reputation to live up to.”
- “Encourage them by making their faults seem easy to correct.”
- “Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest.”
If I may add my own (which are actually just further illustrations of Carnegie’s principles):
- Assume that your goal and that of the other person is to eventually come to some kind of agreement, probably through compromise. If this is not your goal, you are flailing against the wind.
- Always start from the point of agreement and branch to the disagreements. I don’t care who you are talking to, there is something you agree on. Could be baseball, rationalism, the latest Bond movie. Doesn’t matter.
- (This is so important) Let the other person be the good guy. In other words, do not frame your argument in such a way that he (or someone he admires) has to be the bad guy.
- If your political posts sound as if you are describing a battle of good versus evil, you have a problem.
- Always speak to the person, not the argument. Behind every hate-filled invective is a hurting heart.
I don’t know, I’ve just been thinking of Carnegie lately.
Just food for thought.