My Eyes Are Up Here

I need to smile.

It’s only human nature.  Were I a new-age type, I’d say my aura has been quite negative lately.  I mean no disrespect to those who are hurting anywhere in the world, especially in VA. 

But Kat made me laugh out loud with her brazenness, and I’m going to take it a step further.  I’ve been meaning to post about this for some time, but the time never seemed appropriate.  If I truly want to go into the clergy one day, and if I haven’t already disqualified myself, this should do it.  Yet, being a compulsive blogger, a thought is floating around my head, and I have to express it.  Here goes.

If you are female, and we have met, there is a good chance I’ve had a conversation with your breasts.  You probably know this.  No doubt, you are used to this kind of behavior from the male of the species.  I can’t speak for anyone else, and I’m sure no males are going to chime in here, because I’m giving away trade secrets.

Most women I know are mystified by this behavior.  No straight man is immune.  Godly men of the cloth. Buddhist holy men who have spent their entire lives working toward the eliminating desire. Tough guys. Nerds.  Hippies and gun nuts, conservative, liberal, rural or urban: every one of us cops a peek.

I once had a woman ask me, “what are men thinking when they do that?”  I’ll let you in on a little secret: most of the time, nothing.  Believe it or not, unless our stares linger for more than a few seconds, we aren’t thinking “I’d like to sleep with her”.  Even with men who have acheived the highest state of consciousness, the highest form of thought that enters the mind is “Look! Boobies!”

Most of the time, I don’t even know I’m doing it.  At least at first, then I catch myself and embarrassingly look  at my feet.  I really struggle with this, I figure it gets me in trouble all around.  Neither the religious, nor feminists, are too fond of the objectification of women.  I don’t want to be thought of as someone who does that.  However, in order for objectification (is that a word?) to occur, conscious thought needs to be involved, doesn’t it?

I can’t stress this enough: it’s instinct.

Granted, there are some Leisure Suit Larry’s out there.  Certainly you women can tell the difference, can’t you?

I have three levels of woman-staring (I mean women who are not my wife – there’s a whole other category for her that I do not cover here).  Only one of these levels them is sinful, IMHO.  The first is the instinctive, which I have covered here.  The second is the beauty aspect: the female form is pleasing to the eye.  I have yet to meet a female who was not beautiful to behold.  The line between this kind of admiration and lust, which is the third kind, is in the thought process.  “She is beautiful to behold” is innocent, “I want to bed her” is where it turns to lust, which is what I try to avoid, not always successfully.  Most of the time, I can channel that energy toward my wife. Or take cold showers.

But ladies, please forgive us; most of the time we know not what we do.

Women have an equivalent behavior, but I think you get away with it because we are turned away from you when you stare.

I once had an internet discussion with a woman about breast feeding in public.  I was on her side, for the most part, till she said something interesting.  She said, “you men need to stop sexualizing a body part that isn’t even part of the sex act”. 

I told her I had three words for her: Brad Pitt’s butt.

Anyway, I’ve gone everywhere with this.  I’m not sure I…

Look!  Boobies!


9 Responses to “My Eyes Are Up Here”

  1. daddyquatro Says:

    Look Boobies! That’s it exactly. It’s really not something you can control or are even aware of, unless it goes overboard. Happily married for 14 years, never want to sleep with someone who is not my wife, but still…
    Look Boobies!

  2. Susie Says:

    You have been hanging around Jeff too long…lol

  3. Ford Prefect Says:

    Boobies, Boobies, Boobies!
    You are correct that it is not always a sexual thing – but try and convince a woman of that. It’s a complement – no really!
    I don’t think that most men when walking down the street see a walking buffet. If they did they would have trouble walking down that street. We are wired to like what we see, were men for God’s sake. God made us that way, but He also gave us the ability to control ourselves and over rule our drooling instinct. So I guess what I say is men…

    Control yourself and Boob on!

  4. Ginger Says:

    LOL…thanks for the laugh, Slarti. Humor becomes you!

    I’ll let you in on a little secret…sometimes butts aren’t what a woman’s into…more than butts, I’m into eyes and hands…now do not ask me if I have ever snuck a glance at the package…but geez, if it’s there…

  5. malia Says:

    “What is it about men and nudity? Particularly breasts? How can you be so interested in them? I mean seriously: they’re just breasts. Every second person has them. They’re odd looking, they’re for milk from your mother. What’s all the fuss about? ”

    Anna Scott (as portrayed by Julia Roberts) in Notting Hill

  6. Lynnster Says:

    Man! And I just thought you were adorably slightly on the shy side. Horndog! 🙂

    I am teasing, of course (somewhat). Heh.

  7. lasthome Says:

    Finally!!! Written proof to support my own case!!

    I feel so vindicated 🙂


  8. x117236 Says:

    Wow… I’m almost speechless. A window into the male mind that I probably didn’t need especially where I work, but…

    Look! Parker Stevenson!

    : P

  9. Music City Bloggers » On Bridget and boobies… Says:

    […] loves ‘em. (Especially Slarti, as documented here.) Can’t live without […]

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