What I REALLY Meant To Say Is…

Author’s Note: Please, please please, I beg of you, if you find this blog even nominally interesting, read this post to the end.  Please do not comment, or even think about what you are going to comment, until you’ve heard me out completely.  I’m afraid I might be misunderstood.  But please know that, as you read this, I am NOT fishing for validation.  I need your help.  This will be long.  Please bear with me.

I realise I’ve been a real Shleprock lately, and I’ve been doing a lot of navel gazing, but hopefully my personal “extreme makeover” will be over soon.  I’m still mentally in the wilderness.

This is a very scary post to write.  Not because it’s self-critical.  Not because I’m opening myself up to external criticism. But because there’s something I need to change, but in doing so, I might ruin myself as a writer forever. 

A back-story: my mother used to be  writer.  A pretty good one.  She wasn’t published or anything (although she gave the quest of publication everything she had).  But she was inspired, and she was prolific.  I was only a youngster, and although I can’t tell you if she was a great writer (we lost all of her manuscripts in fire #1), I can tell you that she was in heaven when she was writing, and I loved reading her work.

She wanted to get better.  She took a creative writing class at a community college.  It ruined her.  She never wrote a full chapter again.  She overthought every sentence, trying to fit it into the template she was taught.  Like her son, she didn’t take criticism very well, and overreacted.

Since that time, I have been very, very, VERY afraid of atempting to learn the “craft” of writing.  I’m running on only what God gave me.  I’m afraid that if I attempt to hone my skills, I’ll lose the “artistic” side of writing forever.

But, something has to change.  I may be uneducated, but I’m not an idiot.  The one constant from this blog is that every post I make is misunderstood by someone, somewhere.  If it happened only once or twice, I might question the reading comprehension skills of the reader.  But it happens so often here, the blame can only be traced back to me.  My style of writing (and I have no idea what that is), does not allow me to convey whatever it is I’m trying to say.

A couple of recent examples (there are so many, it’s hard to choose).  I tried to be self deprecating in this post.  Rachel from Women’s Health News, who I consider a blog hero, had an immediate reaction that I was insulting her and others.  She figured it out before I explained what I really meant (something I spend a LOT of time doing), and I love the way she worded her next comment:

As soon as I hit “Submit” it occurred to me that, given your writing style, I was probably reading you wrong.

Rachel, I do not take offense in this. You couldn’t be more correct.

Once I read my comment on this post at NiT, I saw how it could easily be misunderstood. (I’m not going to tell you what I really meant – of course I was trying to be funny).  Brittney has too much class, she just let it go.  But once again, my writing style makes it look like I was saying something I had no intention of saying.

I understand my Easter post was discussed widely (I was a little busy that day, so I couldn’t join the fun); that post had only one main idea: that Christianity is the only modern religion that can be empirically disproven, based on an historical event, and it’s quite dangerous to throw your heart to an idea that could theoretically be, beyond a doubt, proven a fraud.  That’s all.  It’s my understanding, of all the discussion, none centered on that theme, the only one in my post that mattered.  I’m glad there was vigorous discussion, but it disheartens me that the discussion wasn’t based on the idea I wanted to throw out with my post.  That comes back to me as a writer.

I know that I’m not completely talentless with the English language.  I’ll risk appearing conceited: I KNOW I can write a darn good sermon.  I know this because of the feedback I get.  The main difference between a sermon a blog post?  You get to deliver a sermon.  When you’re being sarcastic, it’s easy to convey.  It’s no problem getting a twinkle in your eye to let folks know a joke is coming.  When you get to the profound part, you can raise or lower your voice to convey the correct emotion.  This, I can do.

I just can’t do it here. 

I know it, and you know it – let’s not pussyfoot around.  Oh, I do OK with ‘poignant’ posts about my kids, those have a “feel” close enough to a sermon, I can get away with it.  But the rest?  Chances are you’ll think I’m saying something I had no intention of saying.  Especially when I talk politics or sociology.

It’s really rough to have an AI moment, when you there’s something you’ve thought your whole life you were good at, only to come to the realization you actually suck at it.  Or at least certain aspects of it.  And it’s really scary, because I write from the gut, what I am putting out there is “me”, in a way.  And I do not have the reckless forthrightness of Aunt B, or the insightful precision of Kat Coble and Brittney, or the easy, conversational style of Newscoma, Kathy T, Ginger and Hutchmo, or the humor  of Lindsay,  Busy Mom, and my Sista, or the scholarly style of RachelLindsey can be snarky, but there is never any doubt she means to be snarky (and I mean that with the greatest of respect).

I write flowery prose.  I’m a hack poet with no word economy. 

That hurt to write.  But now, we can move forward. 

I want you to give me advice.  How do I make clear just what it is I’m trying to say when I post?  Should I curse more to indicate when I’m angry?  Do I need to add < / sarcasm > tags when appropriate?  Do I need to follow up jokes with a “that was a joke” disclaimer?

Do I need to quit trying to hit home runs with every post (meaning each is deep, and poignant , and just generally a magnum opus)?  Should I end every post with: “I guess what I’m really trying to say is…” ?

I’m looking for real, practical advice.  I know how to write something that will be delivered orally.  Blogging is an animal I haven’t yet tamed.  Don’t be afraid to offer criticisms (of my writing, you can criticise other things at a different time).  I can take it; I just called myself a hack poet with no word economy – I doubt you could even top that. 

I am NOT looking for “don’t change a thing” validation.  I appreciate it very much (newscoma 🙂 ), but I waste a lot of my time saying “What I really meant to say was…” .  I’d really like to figure out how to change that.  Even though honing my writing skills is something that scares me to death.

10 to 1 somebody misunderstands this post…

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30 Responses to “What I REALLY Meant To Say Is…”

  1. newscoma Says:

    Just write.
    Quit worrying about it, quit thinking about it and just be yourself and just write.
    Isn’t that what you want? Don’t seek validation and write from your heart.
    Just do it.
    There you go. (and Slarti, I have no idea what you meant in your comment up there with the smiley face but I’m telling you if you worked for me (some do), I’d tell you to get over it and just write.)
    Just interact, say what you want and do it.

  2. badbadivy Says:

    TL; DR. (j/k)

    When I am being funny or sarcastic, I generally add a winky face or a j/k at the end of it to indicate that I was joking. I know a lot of people hate that kind of chatroom typing, but it certainly clears thinks up for people.

  3. Katherine Coble Says:

    I need to start adding the J/K and I’ve been adding more smilies, since my “jokes” are clearly funny only to me. I can be typing away like a madwoman with a huge grin on my face, slightly reminiscent of drunkenness only to have everyone who reads the entry think “what a callous beeyotch!”

    Seriously, it took me the better part of a year and at least three face-to-face meets for the people who know me to realise that I am actually good-natured most of the time and not a raging ass. Okay, scratch that. I am a good natured raging ass. Let’s leave it at that.

    Anyway, the thing about all this bloggery-toggery is that everyone here–not just you, slarts–is learning as they go. They’re feeling their way around the tree. Sometimes they fall flat on their face.

    The important thing is, as NC says, to just write. You have a lot of experience as a lay preacher and most of your life is spent trying to reach other people. If there were anything about your blog that would make your personal blogging experience easier it would be for you to accept that blogging isn’t the same type of medium or experience (entirely) as your lay-preaching. Sermons are not conversations; blogging is the Great Conversation.

    In the church, a lay sermon is the mechanism we use to relate to the brethren on a spiritual plane. It allows us to teach the Word and our experiences of the Word. But there is a definite talking-to approach about it.

    In blogging, it’s a talking “with” approach. Sure, the other person isn’t in the room corporeally, but they are there and you can use your words to meet them there and to say “this is my idea about this or that thing”. They may agree. They may say YOU ARE AN IGNORANT ASS. They may hate you. But more often than not, once they get that you are talking with them as opposed to talking TO them, they get it.

    I’m glad there was vigorous discussion, but it disheartens me that the discussion wasn’t based on the idea I wanted to throw out with my post.

    We got there to a degree in the end, but no, the conversation didn’t start with that idea. It may be in part because in your mind you were writing a sermon to the Christians, and not considering the fact that many of your blog readers are not Christians. Those of us who are Christians understood where you were going and were interested in the larger point.

    That comes back to me as a writer.

    So now you know and you do differently if you want to. Or you don’t. But you’ve successfully had that conversation.

    Do I need to…?

    You need to write from where you are at in the moment you are writing. Of course I guess now I’m telling you to “write like me”, so you can feel free to tell me to kiss your backsection and take it on down the line. But I’ve found that what works best for me is to write exactly where I’m at. Some days there will be long posts about philosophy or health care or guns. Other days there are posts about monkeys. It’s going with the mood.

    The hardest thing about blogging is becoming addicted to your sitemeter or your comments. Generally you have to be pretty secure in yourself if you want to maintain an integrity on your blog. I’ve seen a LOT of blogs which were decent and well-written and fun turn into junk when their bloggers start chasing after hits. They stop using their blogs to share and start using it as an attention-whoring device. They write one post one day about the Crumpled Horned Snorkack that gets a good reaction in hits and/or comments and the next thing you know the blog is the All CHS Blog All The Time. It’s boring.

    If you embrace the knowledge that some days everyone is busy at work or some days no one is in the mood to read what you wrote that day you’ll have peace and feel more free to be yourself with what you blog.

    It about killed me for the first few months when I never got comments. I got so used to never having comments that I’m still generally surprised whenever I receive ONE. For awhile I started to feel like I should chase comments. Thank God I’m over that because that was some of the worst writing I’ve ever done.

    Anyway, I’m starting to ramble and not make sense. I’ve spent more time at my keyboard today than I have in a long while. I hope that what I was trying to say came across. If it didn’t just ask me to clarify.

  4. Katherine Coble Says:

    Slappity! That was long.

    Sorry. Good thing I didn’t include my rant on Creative Writing classes.

    Rule of thumb for CW classes/workshops/whathaveyou:

    They’re all artists practicing a craft. It’s not a science. Only adhere to one piece of advice per class/workshop/whathaveyou and throw the rest out.

    Otherwise you’ll break your creativity on the back of someone else’s style. And then what’s the point of being a writer?

  5. anitamorrell Says:

    My dad used to say that “simple words are easily understood”. And he used to tell the story of the country musician who was asked if he could read music. The country musician replied… “Not enough to mess up my pickin’!” Get it? Good luck to you. anitamorrell.wordpress.com

  6. Ginger Says:

    I try to use a lot of smiley faces and an “just kidding”, “I keed”, lol, hee!, or whatever… and can still be misconstrued as a being bitchy.

    We are all learning as we go.

  7. Lynnster Says:

    I’m not sure I can really respond to this. I don’t think you ever confuse me or I misunderstand or misconstrue what you’re writing.

    Then again, maybe I have and just don’t know it, or maybe you remember some examples where I have.

    All I can really say is to me, you do just fine. I pretty much write nearly exactly as I talk, that doesn’t mean that’s how everyone should do it. If every blogger I read regularly asked me what I thought they should do about how they write, the only thing I could say is write what you feel like writing at that moment and what’s on your mind however it comes to you. Because honestly, unless someone is REALLY funny and basically simply just writing humor for the sake of being humorous, I’m not really interested in reading people whose writing doesn’t reflect who they are and what’s on their mind.

    I sort of approach reading blogs like having a conversation with that person. (Personal blogs anyway – the “news” blogs like Volunteer Voters and such don’t really count here.) And everyone’s got their own personality and their own personal “patter”. I know for a fact that my in person, person-to-person conversations with Hutch are going to be different than the same with Sista, or with Ginger… and the experience of reading each’s blog is akin to being on the listening side of that conversation. I usually assume the same of people’s blogs that I am familiar with but have never met or spoken to very little.

    If I wanted to read for “writing” value, I’d read books and journals and magazine articles instead of blogs. Not ALL, but the majority, of blogs in my feed reader are personal blogs and many write really “well” and some not so much. But most of them are just writing their thoughts and sharing some of themselves with me/us, and that’s honestly the only thing I care about as a reader. The rest (ideas, theories, things intentionally written to make me laugh, etc.) is just gravy, though often a “part” of them too.

    I don’t know if I said what I meant to say here, but there ya go.

  8. Susie Says:

    OK So I am out of the loop-but I loved the boob comment! And it was true… LOL

  9. Mack Says:

    All good points above, but really, theres no big secret to being understood. You are quite right when you say that you are not an idiot. Like me, (perhaps) you have little or no formal education. I happen to like your writing style, and I don’t think it’s your “problem.”

    You like to “tweak” noses. Ok, I’ll admit that can be alot of fun. For example, I get after Kleinheider every chance I get. We are certainly not friends, but I had enough interaction with him to know that heunderstands goose/gander. I’ll add that I don’t usually tweak people I know can’t take it. If I don’t care for them, I’ll just pin my ears back and bite.

    But if you find yourself consistently misread, it may have something to do with not addressing it the first time, or, your failure to contact the people who were offended and at least try to hash it out. Your Easter post is a good example. That conversation went on all day. Never heard from you. That sends one of two messages, 1) you didn’t care what everyone else took from it, or 2) you felt “above” the whole controversy. The thing is, man, you know most of these people. They are reading you and applying what they know about you to what you wrote. These people are freinds, not anonymous readers.

    When I first started reading you, I loathed many of your positions on the issues, but I didn’t see any rudeness or deliberate cruelty. But snarkiness may be a slippery slope toward those traits if we are not careful. Well, if you care, thats .02….

  10. jagadiah Says:

    Slarti, your blog is one of my top 10 favorites. I love your style and your sly wit, and, of course, adore your posts about your kids. I’ve yet to be insulted by any of your posts, and hope you don’t alter your style too much.

    I’m going to leave the advice to better writers than I, but just want to send my support your way.

  11. Aunt B. Says:

    This is what I would say: Your greatest strength as a writer is also your biggest problem. You write from a place of great compassion and it seems like you work very hard to consider others’ positions and feelings.

    So, when you’re flip or when you rush through a point–whereas I think most bloggers would be given a pass, because the reader would just assume you were in a hurry or wanted to gloss over that to get to something more profound–to your readers who are used to your thoughtful compassion, it doesn’t feel rushed, it feels like you are deliberately making a hurtful comment, because everything you do seems very deliberate.

    That, to me, is the thing I have the most trouble with as a reader. You seem so very compassionate towards most folks that when you say something that seems to have not considered me or folks like me, it feels like a deliberate insult.

  12. Kathy T. Says:

    I had a long, eloquent comment written then accidentally hit the little red “X” after I got off the phone as I was switching over to finish my comment. D’OH!

    To try to recreate… first thank you for your kind words (bloggers talking about bloggers and all that). I have a B.S. in Journalism and served for nearly 15 years as the communications manager for an association of state politicians. That has caused me to be very careful about what I say when I blog… I’m a paranoid worry-wart when I blog. I’ll never be as well spoken as some of the blog superstars, but I do try. It always horrifies me when people say nasty things, etc. in response to something I say because I’m usually pretty sensitive when I post or comment.

    So I feel your pain. I don’t have any good advice except that I’m not one of those puritans who won’t go back and edit. If I post something, then find a mistake or re-read it and don’t feel comfortable, then I do change it. Call me a coward, call it censorship, whatever toots your horn. But when I get diarrhea of the mouth (or pooping fingers), I try to fix something I may later regret.

    By the way, I shockingly didn’t have you on my Google reader, but I’ve rectified that! Thanks for tugging me back!!

  13. Slartibartfast Says:

    I’ll get em all (to this point) with one whack. Helpful comments, all.

    newscoma: duly noted. And get yourself to the hospital.

    Ivy: it’s funny, I’ve met you several times, and now I get where you are coming from whether you add emoticons or not. But I can see where a first-time reader might misunderstand, so it might be a good idea.

    Kat, excellent, excellent, excellent comment! That would make a heck of a blog post. There’s a lot to digest there.

    Anita: I’ve said the same thing often myself. I learned just enough music theory to understand keys and scales. Just like I learned just enough grammar to be dangerous :).

    Lynnster, duly noted. I think you’ve gotten to the heart of it (just like Kat did). I’m very good at “talking to”, not so great a “talking with”. You’ve met me – I’m not the greatest of conversationalists, never have been. Not to turn this into a psychoanalisis, but I guess I tend to want to control the conversation, because in my younger days, most of the “incoming” parts of conversations were insults and humiliations. Anyway, you are very perceptive.

    Susie: one day, I’m going to post on involuntary boob-watching, but it must be worded VERY carefully to avoid looking like a lecherous old man.

    Mack, Mack Mack. You are probabably the most perceptive of all. However, you miss the mark, just a little bit. BUT, you highlight something I’ve been doing that’s bugging the heck out of me, but it’s hard to stop. Bear with me here.

    I’ve made no secret of the fact that I was a male DES baby, which meant I have a little more estrogen floating around my system than the average man. And sometimes, I have the tendency to fight like a woman. (THAT statement ought to get me in trouble). What I mean is that instead of confronting an enemy directly, I have a tendency to “fight” indirectly: inferences, whisper campaigns, rumours.

    Well, I recently got my feelings hurt. That’s actually an understatement, it was so bad, I was literally shaking, I couldn’t eat or sleep, I took it out on my kids, my wife, my co-workers; I couldn’t let it go. I still haven’t, obviously.

    To be condescended to by a “better”, and to have no one come to my defense, was more than I could bear. It was high school all over again. 25 years later, and nothing had changed. Sometimes I forget just what a basket case I really am.

    So, I retreated to my cave, and threw out little barbs from time to time as a way of fighting back. “Tweaking”. But, when one does this, the barbs usually hit unintended targets. I hate that. I’m trying to get to a place where I don’t take it all so personally, but, given my past, it’s hard.

    So, what I’m getting at is, I don’t LIKE tweaking noses, it’s really not me. I think you’ll notice, I only do it after a perceived wrong. And being mostly male, I’m not very good at it, anyway.

    But what it boils down to is that I ain’t right in the head. (The whole “thinking blogger” thing has got me depressd – how screwed up is THAT?) I can write, to a point, but after all this time, I’m socially inept, and dare I say it, needy. And y’all are being more than patient in putting up with my crap. I want to get better.

    But I’m going to stop this nonsensical “tweaking” business, starting right now. I don’t know how to “fight like a man”, but “fighting like a woman” doesn’t work, if you’re not a woman. I think you’ll notice, I’ve taken a few halting steps.

    Thanks to all.

  14. Ford Prefect Says:

    What drugs are you on boy?
    You as a writer you have an ablilty that many, many, many people – especially Bloggers – need to learn. You are you, celebrate that. I’ve known you for longer than I care to admit in public and the posts I read here are the words of a man I consider my dearest and oldest friend.
    Remember that everyone that reads your posts do so with a personal agenda, if you are being mis-understood I put most of the blame on the reader and their inability to read a post, from you or anyone else, without looking past their personal situation. It’s human nature – I’m not putting down the readers, it’s just how we are. Our perosnal lives color everything we do, see and read.
    Continue to be yourself, if you try to be everything to everybody you will end up being an increadably mixed up, depressed ball of steaming nothingness!
    If people mis-understand you and post that in a comment just try your best to go back at that point and make your feelings more clear. Like some of the others have said this is a form of conversation, treat it as such but don’t stop being what makes you you!

  15. Ford Prefect Says:

    By the way I’m looking forward to the “Boob Watching” post, from an experienced and dedicated “Boob Watcher”
    and proud lecherous old man I think this may be one of you most insightful posts yet!

    🙂

  16. nm Says:

    Slarti, I think that Mack and B have both made some perceptive points. You are a writer whose personality comes through very strongly in his writing, so that when you are dismissive, smug, or snarky in your posts or comments those attitudes come across as being the attitudes you, Slartibartfast personally, mean to convey. I don’t think that putting in emoticons or j/k will change that, because saying that “oh, my smugness was a joke” exactly deals with the problem. I don’t think you need to sit on your posts until you have combed them over for potentially offensive remarks — as you note yourself, that’s the sure road to your death as a writer. But ya know? If you’re writing a post and feel the need to finish it up with “what I really mean is …” then (1) do explain what you really mean and then (2) go back and take out everything before that point. Your writer’s subconscious is telling you that you haven’t presented yourself and/or your idea the way you meant to.

    Look, everyone commenting here basically likes you, even when disagreeing with you. You engage people in a very personal way. That’s cool. The danger in that is that when you go wrong, it’s also going to be personal. If you want to put yourself out there and live dangerously, as you say you do, then you need to have the guts to deal with the reactions. You (or any writer with those characteristics) can’t have it both ways. Which is reason #732 why I don’t blog, but we’re not talking about that here.

  17. Warrior Says:

    I agree with Ford on this one. Be yourself, and say what you want, in your own style, not one contrived for you. If someone mis-understands an opinion, it isn’t always the writer’s fault. If humanity always understood those around them, then when Christ came out with that “Golden Rule” thing, everyone would have had a V-8 moment, said “Oh..well, duh!” and the world would have lived happily ever after! You, your opinions, and your faith are all strong. Don’t be afraid to be the strong man God has made you, let others deal with that!

  18. Ginger Says:

    Personally, I would just like to say that this whole thing is getting really old.

    We all have baggage. You, the reader, perceives what you read through the eyes of YOUR baggage just as much as Slarti or any of us write through the hand of OUR baggage.

    If everybody would stop being self-righteous and/or self-degrading, and realize that everybody here is generally rooting for each other in the grand scheme of life, perhaps we can all get back to the business of living and blogging.

    Those are my snarky, losing-my-patience-with-this, through-the-hand-of-my-baggage words.

    …and I still think the world of all of ya!

  19. Ginger Says:

    …and I still think the world of all of ya!

    …and, of course, hope you will make allowances for my “human-ness”, too…

    🙂

  20. Slartibartfast Says:

    nm,
    you really need a blog.

    Ginger, you are right. This blog has become insufferable because it’s become about me and my mental problems. This may be one of those sermon/blog post dichotomies. In a sermon, inserting your own vulnerabilities adds an element of human-ness that makes the message a little more accessible. Outside of a sermon, it just makes you look like a whiny, self-absorbed dolt.

    But, I HAVE vowed, no more snarkiness.

    I promise, I’ll try to do better.

    Let me make the first step.

    Aunt B, I’ll send you an email. There is much we need to talk about. I know you have a policy of “emails sent to the blog hostess are not private”. And that’s OK; your place, your rules. I will take that chance.

  21. Slartibartfast Says:

    And y’all be easy on Ford, Susie, and Warrior. They are my band-mates, bible study partners, and long time close friends. That’s the angle they come from.

    [and I do appreciate y’all more than anything]

  22. nm Says:

    Yeah, well reason #6 is that when people tell me I ought to do something, I don’t.

  23. newscoma Says:

    Slarti,
    If your feelings were hurt by something and we have no idea how that happened, how can we understand?
    My feelings got hurt last year in this blogging thing and I had what I felt were two choices:
    1. Suck it up and get over it
    2. Quit blogging

    I went with Door Number 1. I occassionally go back and read that post just to see how ugly it was towards me. I was called stupid, there was a demand for me to be fired from my job (well, sorta. It’s how I took it.) It really broke my heart.
    I guess my thing is that we all are reading words. We aren’t seeing facial expressions, we aren’t hearing the tone in a voice and sometimes those things are misleading.
    Anyway, didn’t mean to hijack, and I’m going back to the doctor if I’m not better by Monday. Thank you for the kind thoughts…
    And dammit, just write and the hell with everyone who doesn’t get it. It’s about you, not them, all of us or me.
    I repeat, It’s about you.

  24. Aunt B. Says:

    Slarti,

    That rule is really just to dissuade the folks that send me threatening emails from thinking that they’re going to be able to abuse me privately and whine when I’m not nice to them publicly without me calling them on it.

    b.

  25. Kathy T. Says:

    Okay, I’m just a little bit hurt that you commented about everyone’s comment but mine! 😉 winky! JK! Hee-hee!

  26. Rachel Says:

    I think nm gives some good advice. Now, do you want me to manufacture ways to misunderstand your post? 🙂

  27. john h Says:

    my favorite quote: we don’t see the world as it is, we see the world as we are.

    head up, eyes forward, deep breath, blog.

  28. Katherine Coble Says:

    head up, eyes forward, deep breath, blog.
    Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Lose.

  29. Clay and Sandpaper « GingerSnaps Says:

    […] my insecurities manifested themselves by my doing the same thing? He wrote a post entitled, “What I Really Meant To Say Is,” which was basically a post of second-guessing his writing ability to which I say, […]

  30. FubFluermmevy Says:

    Two new studies show why some people are more attractive for members of the opposite sex than others.

    The University of Florida, Florida State University found that physically attractive people almost instantly attract the attention of the interlocutor, sobesednitsy with them, literally, it is difficult to make eye. This conclusion was reached by a series of psychological experiments, which were determined by the people who believe in sending the first seconds after the acquaintance. Here, a curious feature: single, unmarried experimental preferred to look at the guys, beauty opposite sex, and family, people most often by representatives of their sex.

    The authors believe that this feature developed a behavior as a result of the evolution: a man trying to find a decent pair to acquire offspring. If this is resolved, he wondered potential rivals. Detailed information about this magazine will be published Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

    In turn, a joint study of the Rockefeller University, Rockefeller University and Duke University, Duke University in North Carolina revealed that women are perceived differently by men smell. During experiments studied the perception of women one of the ingredients of male pheromone-androstenona smell, which is contained in urine or sweat.

    The results were startling: women are part of this repugnant odor, and the other part is very attractive, resembling the smell of vanilla, and the third group have not felt any smell. The authors argue that the reason is that the differences in the receptor responsible for the olfactory system, from different people are different.

    It has long been proven that mammals (including human) odor is one way of attracting the attention of representatives of the opposite sex. A detailed article about the journal Nature will publish.


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