Some Pressing Questions

What happened to the first four Third banks?

If I owe one of the mayoral candidates a personal favor, would it be wrong not to vote for him?

(This is an old one) Why do they call it “Good” Friday?  Haven’t they seen “The Passion of The Christ?”

Is the Scion xB  really “an answer to a question nobody asked?”

(Remind me later to post on the xB – one of the few times a product launch missed its target demographic and still went on to be a success).

Who the heck is voting for Billy Ray Cyrus?

Why is the bottom of my soul patch impervious to Just For Men?  Did Lindsey put a curse on me?  With a white tip on my soul patch, and my not-yet-chiseled face, if I stand on my head, you can see Mt Everest! 

Why do I only “get” Katherine Coble’s humor when she’s “altered?

If your knees bent the other way, what would a chair look like?*

Why does Otis’ “thingie” look like it’s in the wrong spot?  It’s practically in the middle of his belly!  Will it look more normal when “the boys” drop? (which will also be our sign to snip-snip)  I’ve never had a boy puppy before.

If the “thingies” of human males were practically in the middle of our bellies, would we all wear pants up to our chests like old men?

Controversy: Isn’t it interesting that the most difficult gestation in the universe is carried out by males?  OK, maybe we can’t call it a “gestation”.  I’m infertile, and I got a “D” in  Health Class.  Rachel, what is the official name for “sitting on an egg?”  I know for Emperor Penguins it’s called BRRRRRRRR. 

Was Jesus, fully human and fully divine, spanked when he was a child?  Would the creator of the universe be capable of doing something (as a child) worthy of punishment?  Was Joseph like my dad, every now and then giving a spanking “for the stuff you did wrong I didn’t see”?  Confession: I would probably have let Jesus have it when He ran off to the Temple to have Deep Talks with the priests.  But then again, why the heck didn’t Joseph and Mary round up Jesus and His brothers and ask if anybody had to “go” before they took off?

These ought to keep you busy for a while.

*Ripped off from Gallagher.  Whatever happened to him?  Everybody remembers the watermelons, but the man was a darn funny comedian in his own right.


10 Responses to “Some Pressing Questions”

  1. badbadivy Says:

    I am *definitely* not voting for Billy Ray Cyrus. Ack. I despise him.

  2. Anne Says:

    I “definitely” voted FOR Billy Ray Cyrus. WOW!! To know him is to love him. And apparently I’m not alone!

  3. Nashville is Talking » Ommmmm…. Says:

    […] See, I always figured “Fifth Third” meant the one that got them to a sum of 1 and 2/3. B… […]

  4. Rachel Says:

    I don’t know what the penguins call it, but it seems to be your garden variety “incubation.” I dispute, however, that this is the “most difficult gestation in the universe (aside from it not being “gestation”).” 65 days of sitting, sleeping, and drawing off of fat stores, huddled together with other penguins for warmth? You might ask some of the ladies around here about which they would prefer. Aside from which, elephants gestate for 22 months and squeeze out a baby elephant upwards of 260 pounds. 😉

  5. Rachel Says:

    Oh, and that 5th 3rd thing makes me crazy. What kind of name is that? Is it the 5th or the 3rd? Argh.

  6. Tim W. Says:

    Thanks for the heads-up on ‘Fifth Third.’ That bank name always gets under my skin whenever I see it because it strikes me as so utterly nonsensical.

    I’m gonna research this and put up a post on it soon.

    Take care,

  7. Lindsey Says:

    I’ll never tell, mwahaha!

  8. Katherine Coble Says:

    Why do I only “get” Katherine Coble’s humor when she’s “altered?

    I think the truth lies within your own post….

    Ripped off from Gallagher. Whatever happened to him? Everybody remembers the watermelons, but the man was a darn funny comedian in his own right.

    Clearly humour is in the eye of the people who don’t watch Gallagher.

  9. sistasmiff Says:

    All the Hannah Montana fans are voting for Billy Ray and so have I! I love underdogs.

  10. Ford Prefect Says:

    As far as Gallagher is concerned, he is still out there but he fell out of the public spot light a few years ago when he and his identical twin brother started booking gigs on opposite sides of the country doing the same act both claiming to be the “real” Gallagher.

    Did Jesus get a spanking when he was young? Who knows but if your religion is strong and you don’t mind a joke with Jesus at the center then run right out to the local bookstore and get the book
    “Lamb – A New Gospel Of Jesus Christ As Written By His Best Friend Biff” By Christopher Moore
    I am a comitted Christian and I still found this to be one of the funniest books I have ever read.

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