This ought to be different. This will also be the post that forever disqualifies me for the clergy (except, maybe in the Unitarian church). To my pastor who hangs around here sometimes, cover your ears and say “La-La-La…”
I’m expecting a lot of views, and not many comments. And that will be too bad. I need your help.
I’m looking for a new euphamism for sex.
Oh, don’t sit there looking so shocked. Any couple that has children understands the neccessity. I mean, nobody’s going to say, “Little Jimmy, I need you to get ready for bed. Your mother and I would like to have sexual relations.” Or, at least nobody I know.
To be honest, we had sexual euphamisms even before the children came along. “Have Sex” seems so unromantic, but “Make Love” sounds so cheesy, coming from a dork like me. I won’t go into all of them, because, after all, Lintilla reads here, and I already air enough of our personal stuff out there. Most of them made absolutely no sense, but I guess that’s the purpose.
I CAN tell you that the latest, “Play Leapfrog” has outlived its usefulness. That one started when the kids were preschoolers. We were watching the Discovery Channel, and two Rhinos started, er, “it”. Zaphod laughed and asked what they were doing. We weren’t quite ready to go into “the talk”, in detail, right there and then, so Lintilla, being quick-witted said “They’re playing leapfrog”. I gave her what must have been a priceless look, and a catch-phrase was born.
The kids are onto us. So now things are getting more difficult, because we’ve given them a pretty extensive sex education. And, as I have said before, once you know what sex is, the LAST thing you want to think about is your own parents having it. 🙂
I want to be clear: I’m not looking for locker-room, between the guys, juvenile euphamisms (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). “Shag”, “Mattress Dancing”, or anything like that. Certainly not anything vulgar.
Believe it or not, I’m actually leaning toward the name of this blog. It could work:
Isn’t it time we got the kids in bed?
Well, it’s Friday, they’re allowed to stay up late.
[Use the “I’m speaking in code” voice] I need to work on shooting the moose!
Didn’t we shoot the moose last week?
No, you’re thinking about February.
Well then, by all means, let’s shoot the moose.
KIDS! TIME FOR BED!
It could work. But I’m open to any other ideas. If you have one that works, and you’re not too shy, pass it along.
Hmm. Pass it along. No, that won’t work – reminds me of STD’s…