We’re starting to enter “girls are from another planet territory” at our house.  Picking up the children after field day yesterday, I was informed by both of them that they are social outcasts.

I don’t remember this sort of thing happening till junior high, but, OK…

Because I can only handle one drama at a time, and because my son elbows his way into attention while we’re in the car, I spoke to Zaphod first.  And I was pleased to find out that his problem was something I could deal with.

Apparently, he’s a lot like I was in school; never approaching or talking to anyone, then wondering why nobody ever speaks to him.  Having lived through this, I went into the whole “If you want a friend, you have to BE a friend” lecture.  We talked about inviting some of his classmates over for sleepovers during the summer.  But first, we have to get his room into habitable condition.

It was all very manly: We identified the problem.  We engineered a solution.  We’re beginning to execute it.

Then, it was my daughter’s turn.

I’m not an idiot - I sent Zaphod out of the room to do something else.  After a few minutes, Trillian opened up to me.  She spoke to me a while; sometimes in tears, sometimes not.  I gathered a few names, and got the idea that the problem involved who was speaking to whom, and who sympathized with whom when they cried, and who shared their lunch with whom, and who they didn’t.

In the end, I’ll be honest with you, I had no idea what she was talking about.

But it was obvious that it was important to HER, and that was all that mattered.  I’ve been married for a long time, and one thing I know is that when a female is talking to you like this, the absolute best thing a man can do is LISTEN.  No plans, no execution.  Just be the wall for the female to bounce the handball of her problems off.

I did this, and told Trillian to wait until Lintilla got home to talk about it some more, because Lintilla used to be a girl.  Trillian found this funny, and I finally got a laugh out of her.

I did gather that Trillian has a problem that I can’t relate to, because I went to such a large school that there were sub-cliques I could “hide” in and take solace in.  There was still somewhere where I could belong.  Unfortunately, there are only 12 girls in the whole 4th grade at her school.  There’s pretty much just room for one clique.

But there are two things I know.  She DOES have friends (two in particular socialise with Trillian quite often), and this kind of thing sure starts earlier these days than  I remember it.

Anyway, to a man, it’s hard to tell if playing “problem handball” with a female does any good.  There’s no outcome, no solution.

But later that night, as Lintilla helped Trillian get into bed, Trillian said, “Tell Daddy I love him.”  This isn’t the kind of thing she says all the time.

So, I guess I weathered my first female school drama test.

This is the third year in a row my kids have worn their swimsuits to school for field day, but it was too cold to swim (outside).  Luckily, field day is at the Brentwood Y, but they hate swimming inside there.  I have no idea why, but they are pretty adamant about it.

I know it’s awful of me to say, but I wish we could have a just a little bit of that global warming everyone keeps talking about.  I remember mid to late May being much hotter than we’ve seen the last three years.  Heck, last year, we had a hard freeze.  Maybe I should buy an Escallade to hurry things along? :)  Just a wee bit of global warming, please, so we can get May back to normal? (Dear humorless - Please unwad panties.)

My kids have so many non-school things going on through school that academic work is pretty much over for the year.  Which is a shame, because my son needs to take at least one more accellerated math test to raise his grade up to at least a C, or he’s grounded for the summer. 

Not only that, but each of these non-school school events is costing me money - I’ll need to take out a home equity loan just to get through the last couple of weeks of school.  This is one of the perils of sending your kids to school with other kids who are in a higher economic bracket.

That, and being subtly accused of being racist and elitist by the Tennessean.

But, one outcome of my news/blog/radio hiatus is that I just don’t feel the need to prove my goodness to anyone anymore.  Certainly not the Tennessean.  Nor anyone else.  I am what I am.  Love me.  Hate me.  Whatever - I don’t own it anymore.

But, I would like y’all to pray for my son.  His entire school year has come down to one self-test.  He either makes the honor roll, or spends his summer with no video games or television.  Which MIGHT be a good thing.  He could spend it outside, as I remember my summers.

If it ever warms up enough for him to get outside.

 NOTE: we won’t be punishing our son for not making the honor roll, but for getting a D for the second six weeks in a row in Advanced Math. The grading for this class is extremely objective: he has to show mastery of 30 objectives through the accellerated math quizzes. The teacher does not assign them, the student has to take the initiative to take the exams on his own. This has been Zaphod’s downfall. He is not much of a self-motivator. We’ve pushed him all we could this six weeks. In the end, it’s up to him. Dang, he reminds me of me at that age.

One FInal thing, because upon re-reading this it looks like we’re being too tough on Zaphod.  A few weeks ago, some folks from Vanderbilt were using kids from my kids’ school to test some new educational techniques.  They tested each kid in math, used the techniques, then tested them again.  Zaphod was sent home after the first test because he “tested out” - he knew all the material already.  His teacher says he’s one of the most advanced in his class.  SOOOO - getting a “D” because he didn’t take the time to take enough self-assesments - we can’t just let that slide.  That being said, I have the utmost confidence he’ll take the test and raise it to a “B”.  Interestingly, a “C” isn’t really possible this six weeks.  It’s one or the other.

Zaphod and Trillian are mad, mad mad - and I can’t say that I don’t blame them.

They are getting to the age where they are easily embarrassed, especially about their home life.  And last night, it came to a head at church, over a subject that has been a point of contention in our household, almost from the moment we brought Zaphod home from the airport.

Our kids have an incredibly ridiculous, unreasonable bedtime. 

They are sent to bed at 8pm Central.  8:30 in the summertime.

Keep in mind, they are not 4 and 5, they are 10 and 11 years old.

Last night, we were rushing to get home from church to get the kids in bed, and we got the funniest looks from other parents, and even funnier looks from the children in the room.  There were 6 year olds who said their bedtime was 9 or later.  My kids were mortified.

Lintilla is absolutely adamant about not changing the bedtime, though.  And, what’s funny is that she has science on her side.  Children Zaphod and Trillian’s ages need 10-11 hours of sleep a night.

It’s funny - Lintilla gets absolutely frustrated with me when I adhere to the speed limit on the interstate, although I am being passed by every other car on the road, even those driven by little old ladies.  This is a similar situation.

NOBODY makes their kids get the recommended amount of sleep anymore.  Except us.  We send our kids to bed before dark this time of year.

Here’s the thing: I know that our lights out policy at home is partially responsible for our kids’ incredible grades and test scores.  But, I’m afraid the kids are approaching an age where grades are far less important than peer approval.  I know that Lintilla and I have to be the adults, and ignore peer pressure, doing what’s best for our kids.

However, I think totally ignoring their peer group is a recipe for disaster down the road.  We have to walk a fine line.  Plus, they feel we treat them like ‘babies” and are not letting them “be” their age.  Even if “being their age” means getting less than the recommended amount of sleep per night.

I’m wondering if we’re doing the right thing, or being entirely unreasonable. 

What time do your kids get in bed?  If they are older, what time did you send them to bed when they were around 10 or 11?  Do you think they get/got enough sleep?

My kids were both born in Pusan, South Korea.  Pusan is a coastal metropolis of 3.69 million, but it is most famous outside of Korea for being the site of the “last stand” of coalition forces at the beginning of the Korean War.

The North Koreans had invaded, and swept away all opposition, until all that was left was a tiny sliver of the Korean peninsula in and around Pusan.  The Americans and South Koreans fought furiously to hold this small area, and were ultimately successfu.  Had they not done this, all of Korea would be under the rule of Kim Yong il today.

I think of this when I look at my Kitchenaid mixer.

With two kids and three dogs, and an extremely busy lifestyle, keeping my house clean has become darned near impossible.  I have ceded ground to the mess week after week - but I make my last stand in the area of my kitchen between the mixer and the sink.

I stand in front of it like Gandalf, shouting “You shall not pass!” to clutter and those who make it.

The rest of my house might be fodder for the health inspector, but that small area is going to remain immaculate, dangit.

The kids go to Florida to visit grandma in a couple of weeks.  I’m hoping I can fight my way out at that time.

Until then, I’ll be cleaning that corner of the kitchen.

I realize it was awfully, awfully rude for me not to check back with you guys sooner, but I took a little sanity break, and then life decided that I hadn’t had my butt kicked in a while, so it obliged.

My children both went through growth spurts recently, each crossed the 5 feet tall mark, and it has really hit me hard.  Two thirds of the time they’ll be under my care … is gone.  I’ve been “here”, but at the same time I feel as if I’ve missed it, being so focused on other things.  I am in somewhat of a panic and trying to refocus my life so I don’t miss these last, important years.

I recently took a really nice fall down the steps.  My feet came out from under me, and I bounced on my butt down several steps.  I busted my tailbone up pretty good.  The X-rays were inconclusive.  For all you 10 year old boys out there, apparently being a DES baby meant that I have,amongst all the other weird body oddities I have, a tiny coccyx.  [Insert giggle here...].  But, size doesn’t matter…

So, the x-rays had to be sent away, because the urgent care facility didn’t quite know what they were looking at.  But, I have some nice drugs.  It only hurts today when I go from sitting to standing.  But man, oh man, does it hurt!

For those of you who I speak to regularly in person, I’ve been asked not to blog about “that other thing” until we know more.  Should be within the next couple of days, I hope.

For the rest of you, “that other thing”  sounds ominous, I know.  All I can say is that it COULD be a huge, scary thing, or it could be a small thing.  We’ll see.

Sorry I was away for too long - I’ll try to do better in the coming weeks.

So, everybody is talking about gas prices, many times in crisis-couched language. 

[Sigh]

I want to get something straight before I move on: I am on your side, dear reader.  I would like to see the US be energy independent, I’d like it to be the most energy-efficient nation on earth.  I’d like to see us have the lowest per-capita production of greenhouse gases of any developed country (even though I’m sort-of a skeptic in the global warming area, I really just want the Europeans to find something new about the US to whine about).

I’m on your side OK?

Now, let me shock my conservative friends, and maybe get back a little goodwill with Southern Beale  …

When it came to energy policy, I’d say that Jimmy Carter had things about right.

Excuse me…

…OK, sorry, had to take a shower after that. :)  Seriously, I’d say policy-wise (on energy and energy alone) Carter understood the problem and was WAY ahead of his time.  In fact, I think he could have gone farther.

Have I become a liberal?  Should I sign up for my “Yes We Can” bumper sticker?  Hardly.  Carter was doomed to failure, as any approach by HRC or McCain would be (and maybe Obama - but he MAY be the man to pull this off, I don’t know).  You see, I think what Carter’s approach represented (along with this post by Mack) , is a profound misunderstanding of what makes Americans tick.

We Americans will conserve, for a good cause.  What we will not do, at least indefinitely, is hunker down.

We just don’t do it well.  Yes, there was rationing during WWII.  But my grandpa used to tell me stories.  People whined and complained the whole time.  People cheated when they could get away with it.  Had the war gone on another year, there probably would have been outright rebellion.

I think that what turned my generation off most about Carter was the feeling of hunkering down that flowed though all of his policies, not just his energy policies.  I remember the whole misery index thing, and the “malaise”. 

Remember when he said this?  “I think it’s inevitable that there will be a lower standard of living than what everybody had always anticipated… The only trend is downhill.”

You just don’t say that kind of stuff to Americans.  Only people who don’t understand Americans (individually and corporeally) say things like that. 

Now, I have recently learned that a majority of bloggers are pessimists, but I can tell you from a lifetime’s worth of experience and layman’s study that the majority of Americans are optimists.  Heck, I’d go so far to say that the majority of us are dreamers.

How do I know?  Think about it.  I don’t care what Michael Savage says, people do NOT emigrate to America to get on the dole.  Britain, Germany and France may have their share of that kind of immigrant, but that’s a fairy tale here.  Have you ever spoken to a first generation American?  They are dreamers, every darned last one of them.

I’ve said it before: America is an optimistic country because that’s where all the optimists went.  And it’s in our national DNA.  Yes, even in the poorest neighborhoods - I’ve spent my fair share of time in fellowship with those in poverty (albeit those who are overtly Christian and filed with a certain kind of “joy”) - I hear more optimism than I’ve ever heard in a crowd of college aged suburban kids.

That’s why I believe in American exceptionalism.  NOT that there is something morally superior about our country, or that God blesses us more than other nations.  I think America is exceptional because the majority of its people are optimists and dreamers.

Now, this national character causes us to make some profound blunders from time to time, but it also means that we, as a people, will bravely dare instead of…well, hunkering down.

We alway eventually rebel against walls and ceilings and fences.  Always.  I love that about America.

So, you want energy sustainability, energy independence, lowering of greenhouse gases?  Do not approach the problem as a problem, but a contest.  Americans will sacrifice ANYTHING in the name of winning a contest.

The space race is a good example.  Americans normally do not shine well to runaway government spending, and there was a little complaining at the time, but the idea of BEATING the Russians to the moon caused the people to overlook differences over the insane spending that was neccessary to get to the moon.  To this day, we still consider it a good investment, mainly because, well, we beat the Russians.

The Russians are still pretty good bad guys, but I think that we need new villians if we are going to come together and get energy independent.  And, the middle eastern countries are not powerful enough to be boogeymen (not to mention the fallout from declaring a cold war on Islamic countries).

No, if I were the president, I would name the Chinese the enemy, and I would couch a goal of energy independence as THE way we could kick Chinese ass.  One, China really is the biggest long-term threat to the superiority of the US on the world stage.  And two, the people that run the country are very, very bad guys.

Finally, if America were to become the most fuel efficient on earth, we would have an economic advantage over the Chinese (they have fuel costs, too) that would far outweigh their advantage in labor costs.  If we want to stay number one, we need an advantage.  Energy indepenence is it.

Have a goal?  The answer with Americans is to ALWAYS appeal to their optimism and competitive instincts.  Asking them to hunker down is just a good way to lose elections over and over again.

The antidote for a rough day or week is a lullaby by James Taylor.  Last night, we let James sing us to sleep with his signature “Sweet Baby James”.  I think I like the idea so much, I’m going to move it to late Friday nights and do it weekly - a different Taylor copyright violation to help us wash away the cares of the week.  When I’ve run out of Taylor tunes, we’ll find another artist for our weekly lullaby.  For now, enjoy Secret O’ Life, the mellow exploration of metaphysics and deep philosophy, made into sweet poetry.

“Any fool can do it, there ain’t nothin’ to it.”

“It’s OK to feel afraid, but don’t let it stand in your way”

Although this song could have easily slipped into nihilism (it is existential at its core), instead, Taylor turns it into “a lovely ride”.  And that’s just what we need at the end of a hard week.

Goodnight, my friends.

I want you to do me a favor, and read this speech given by Micheal Crichton at the Washington Center for Complexity and Public Policy in Washington DC on November 6, 2005.  It’s long, but it’s VERY important that you get where Crichton is coming from so you can get where I am coming from.

I love when he talks about how our worst fears are mostly unfounded, but that’s not what I’m here to talk to you about.

Complexity Theory is very dear to me, and key to the way I look at the world, both at work and at home.  At work, it manifests itself in changes to programs, which in turn cause incredible problems in other programs that on the surface do not seem to be related.  Sometimes I fall prey to linear thinking, when computer systems, no matter what Cobol programmers tell you, are in no means linear.  It is EXTREMELY important to view a computer system in a holistic way.  I think this is also true in “the way the world works”.

So, I want to apply this thinking to our modern discussion about climate change.  (By the way, if you think the name of the crisis changing to “climate change” from “global warming” is happenstace - you have a thing or two to learn about marketing).

Now, don’t worry, I’m not appraoching this as a “denier”. In fact, I’ll grant every assertion ever made by Al Gore for purposes of this discussion.  But, understanding how the world works (especially from a systems engineering perspective), I wonder if we know what we’re doing as much as we claim.

Here’s my question: Let’s say we institute every proposal out there, and it works.  We reverse the upward temperature trend to a downward one.  Have we given any thought to how we’ll stop the downward trend?

Do the scientists who study these things know, really know, what the ideal concentration of CO² would be to maintain the ideal temperature? And do we know the ideal temperature?  What happens if we overcompensate, as one would do when his car begins sliding on ice?  How do we reverse THAT trend?  Start burning wood and coal on a massive basis?

There are no Change Control policies in complex systems such as the earth’s climate.  We have to think these things through, and I’m not sure we have, because we’ve been so focused on the problem.

Certainly there are scientists who have given thought to this, right?  Can one of you point me to a layman’s synopsis, because I am genuinely curious.

During the short time I was in college (majoring in beer), my circle of friends thought I was the most brilliant songwriter they had ever heard.  They puffed me up all the time, listening to my oh-so angsty songs of loneliness and social inequity.  I bought into it, and mentally prepared myself to be the next Dylan.

One of the people in this circle of friends (at the time a roommate of a longtime friend of mine, annechen ) was a Recording Industry Management major, and pitched my songs to a publisher in Nashville as part of a project.  I was secretly hoping for validation of my brilliance, maybe even a publishing deal.

What I got, instead, was a harsh mirror showing just what a mess my songs were.

Forget the sloppy phrasing, the broken narrative, the forced rhyming, the unimaginative chord structure.  Yes, the executive let me know about all of these things.  But what stuck with me, what sticks with me to this day, was the criticism that my songs didn’t let people up for air.  I held the listener underwater until they drowned, emotionally.

Ouch.

There is a rule (or at least there was) in Nashville songwriting that goes like this: it doesn’t matter how down you take them in the verses and the chorus, but you’ve got to give them hope in the bridge.  It doesn’t matter if it’s one line, or part of a line, an effective song never, ever goes without giving at least a glimmer of hope.

So, I started listening to songs on the radio, and in my album collection, and there it was,plain as day.  Sure, there were exceptions (He Stopped Loving Her Today comes to mind), but I was amazed at how many successful songs followed this formula.  And how songs I hated did not (Eve of Destruction - has there ever been a more stupid song?  I’d rather listen to Macarena).

Being angst ridden, one of my favorite songs at the time was the old Carpenters hit, “Goodbye to Love”.  Check out the opening lyrics:

I’ll say goodbye to love
No one ever cared if I should live or die
Time and time again the chance for love has passed me by
And all I know of love is how to live without it
I just can’t seem to find it.

The song goes on like that for 3 minutes. But, check out the bridge:

What lies in the future is a mystery to us all
No one can predict the wheel of fortune as it falls
There may come a time when I will see that I’ve been wrong
But for now this is my song.

I knew that the publisher was right, even though I refused to accept it because my ego had been so bruised.  When I finally did start writing again, I incorporated this rule, not just into songs, but into sermons, short stories, blog posts (for the most part).

So anyway, I thought of that when reading this post by John Lamb at Hispanic Nashville.  He gets it. He understands how to be an effective activist, evangelist,salesman, whatever you want to call it.  Yes, he spends 80% of the post highlighting a problem:

It’s only a matter of time before the misery strategy moves the Doomsday Clock to the time when we wake up and see how awful we have become.

 but then he includes this:

If we are willing to listen, however, we can be inspired to change our laws without such suffering. From USA Today:

“The pope can’t change the laws of our country,” [Bishop Thomas] Wenski says. “Hopefully he will touch the hearts of many people in our country.”

You see what he did there?  He let us up for air.  He not only made us look at our own shame, he gave us something to aspire to.

This post would not be counted in the Schleprock Index, because he included that one line. 

Think of your readers.  We know what the problems are.  You’ve told us over and over and over again that we’re on the Eve of Destruction.  What do we do about it?  You’ve told us how things suck, now tell us how to not make them suck. 

You’ve told us ad nauseum how bad Pepsi is.  Now, we’re ready for the pitch.  Tell us how good Coke is.

Everybody remembers Frank Capra’s happy endings.  But 80% of his movies were about awful stuff happening to people.  Why, then, do we tend to think of his movies as inspiring?  Why do we, every Christmas, watch a movie about a man’s life falling apart, about his dreams never coming true, about his despair to the point of suicide? 

Answer that question, and you’ll get to the heart of what I’ve been getting at.

Is there a romantic male worth his salt who does not get all wistful when hearing the first verse of “Sweet Baby James”?

One day, I’m going to see the stars in a wide open sky, unfiltered by suburban lights.  I’m going to play guitar by campfire on a nippy autumn night, thinking about women and glasses of beer.

I know, I know.  The idealised version is never as good as the real thing.  In real life, our romantic notions are messier, smellier, harder.  But,thinking and dreaming about them is part of the stuff of life, no? 

So, I’ll let the vision in my head sing me to sleep.  Goodnight, all you moonlight ladies.