Can’t I Have Just A Little Bit Of Peril?

This is the third year in a row my kids have worn their swimsuits to school for field day, but it was too cold to swim (outside).  Luckily, field day is at the Brentwood Y, but they hate swimming inside there.  I have no idea why, but they are pretty adamant about it.

I know it’s awful of me to say, but I wish we could have a just a little bit of that global warming everyone keeps talking about.  I remember mid to late May being much hotter than we’ve seen the last three years.  Heck, last year, we had a hard freeze.  Maybe I should buy an Escallade to hurry things along? :)  Just a wee bit of global warming, please, so we can get May back to normal? (Dear humorless - Please unwad panties.)

My kids have so many non-school things going on through school that academic work is pretty much over for the year.  Which is a shame, because my son needs to take at least one more accellerated math test to raise his grade up to at least a C, or he’s grounded for the summer. 

Not only that, but each of these non-school school events is costing me money - I’ll need to take out a home equity loan just to get through the last couple of weeks of school.  This is one of the perils of sending your kids to school with other kids who are in a higher economic bracket.

That, and being subtly accused of being racist and elitist by the Tennessean.

But, one outcome of my news/blog/radio hiatus is that I just don’t feel the need to prove my goodness to anyone anymore.  Certainly not the Tennessean.  Nor anyone else.  I am what I am.  Love me.  Hate me.  Whatever - I don’t own it anymore.

But, I would like y’all to pray for my son.  His entire school year has come down to one self-test.  He either makes the honor roll, or spends his summer with no video games or television.  Which MIGHT be a good thing.  He could spend it outside, as I remember my summers.

If it ever warms up enough for him to get outside.

 NOTE: we won’t be punishing our son for not making the honor roll, but for getting a D for the second six weeks in a row in Advanced Math. The grading for this class is extremely objective: he has to show mastery of 30 objectives through the accellerated math quizzes. The teacher does not assign them, the student has to take the initiative to take the exams on his own. This has been Zaphod’s downfall. He is not much of a self-motivator. We’ve pushed him all we could this six weeks. In the end, it’s up to him. Dang, he reminds me of me at that age.

One FInal thing, because upon re-reading this it looks like we’re being too tough on Zaphod.  A few weeks ago, some folks from Vanderbilt were using kids from my kids’ school to test some new educational techniques.  They tested each kid in math, used the techniques, then tested them again.  Zaphod was sent home after the first test because he “tested out” - he knew all the material already.  His teacher says he’s one of the most advanced in his class.  SOOOO - getting a “D” because he didn’t take the time to take enough self-assesments - we can’t just let that slide.  That being said, I have the utmost confidence he’ll take the test and raise it to a “B”.  Interestingly, a “C” isn’t really possible this six weeks.  It’s one or the other.

To Sleep, Perchance

Zaphod and Trillian are mad, mad mad - and I can’t say that I don’t blame them.

They are getting to the age where they are easily embarrassed, especially about their home life.  And last night, it came to a head at church, over a subject that has been a point of contention in our household, almost from the moment we brought Zaphod home from the airport.

Our kids have an incredibly ridiculous, unreasonable bedtime. 

They are sent to bed at 8pm Central.  8:30 in the summertime.

Keep in mind, they are not 4 and 5, they are 10 and 11 years old.

Last night, we were rushing to get home from church to get the kids in bed, and we got the funniest looks from other parents, and even funnier looks from the children in the room.  There were 6 year olds who said their bedtime was 9 or later.  My kids were mortified.

Lintilla is absolutely adamant about not changing the bedtime, though.  And, what’s funny is that she has science on her side.  Children Zaphod and Trillian’s ages need 10-11 hours of sleep a night.

It’s funny - Lintilla gets absolutely frustrated with me when I adhere to the speed limit on the interstate, although I am being passed by every other car on the road, even those driven by little old ladies.  This is a similar situation.

NOBODY makes their kids get the recommended amount of sleep anymore.  Except us.  We send our kids to bed before dark this time of year.

Here’s the thing: I know that our lights out policy at home is partially responsible for our kids’ incredible grades and test scores.  But, I’m afraid the kids are approaching an age where grades are far less important than peer approval.  I know that Lintilla and I have to be the adults, and ignore peer pressure, doing what’s best for our kids.

However, I think totally ignoring their peer group is a recipe for disaster down the road.  We have to walk a fine line.  Plus, they feel we treat them like ‘babies” and are not letting them “be” their age.  Even if “being their age” means getting less than the recommended amount of sleep per night.

I’m wondering if we’re doing the right thing, or being entirely unreasonable. 

What time do your kids get in bed?  If they are older, what time did you send them to bed when they were around 10 or 11?  Do you think they get/got enough sleep?

Pole To Pole

My son told a pretty funny joke on the way home, something about God striking down a cursing golfer (you had to be there).

I started to tell a joke of my own, and stopped because I realised it broke our rule of disparaging a group of people (in this case, it was a “blonde” joke).  Instead, I veered off into a conversation of how jokes are sometimes used to perpetuate negative sterotypes, and how many times the “truth” behind them is far from it.

Some of you who are from the north might be surprised to learn that, at least in my neck of the woods, African Americans were NOT the subject of “dumb” jokes when I was growing up (widespread racism notwithstanding).  No, that honor was reserved for Polish jokes.  Or “Pollock Jokes” as my friends called them.

As I told my children about this, I had to ask myself, “Why the Polish?  In Nashville, TN?  It’s not like Nashville is overflowing with Polish immigrants.  Where did this particular prejudie come from?”

The only guess I have is that returning WW2 vets brought the prejudice back from Europe.  Maybe it’s a long-standing thing in Italy, France, and Germany to make fun of the Poles?  I really don’t know; I DO know that a couple of you are historians who probably know the answer.

I remember that “Pollock Jokes” were all the rage US-wide in the 60’s and 70’s.  Archie Bunker (from the show “All In The Family”), I remember, had a lot of contempt for “pollocks”.  Maybe Nashville kids were just joining the national trend.

I did tell my kids how all of us kids were shamed a few years later when Lech Walesa and his countrymen became the first oppressed people in the eastern block to stare down the mighty Soviet Union and win.  After Solidarity, you really didn’t hear too many Pollock jokes anymore.

So, anyway, a Fundie, a blonde, a Jew and a Mexican walk into a bar…

What’s New

I don’t want to talk about Obama and Wright anymore.*  I just don’t.  I’m letting it go for now - November is a long way away, it’ll keep.  I refuse to go through all this angst, strain friendships, and give bomb-throwing partisans reasons to fire away,over something that I can’t do anything about right now anyway.  So, I’m done with it, for now.  Y’all do what you’re going to do.

 In other news, my children are turning my world upside down. 

 My son decided to follow in my daughter’s footsteps, and got in trouble at school for bullying ad fighting.  Y’all must think I’m the worst parent ever.  Anyway, after getting his story, his friends’ stories, the stories of two different teachers and one principal, I have come to the conclusion that Zaphod gave into peer pressure.  He is very vulnerable to it - he has always been overly concerned with “what his friends think”.  Doesn’t excuse what he did, but it does explain it somewhat.

He’s also way behind in taking accelerated math quizzes, which comprise most of his grade in math.  The kids are expected to take them on their own, and they are judged on how many skills they master.  Because he hasn’t been taking the tests, the best he can do is a “C”for this six weeks.  Neither of my kids have ever gotten below a “B”.  I can hear you laughing now, but it’s not the grade that upsets us, it’s the lack of effort.

My kids also have begged me NOT to take them to Disney World next year.  This breaks my heart.  They would rather go to California.  They want to pan for gold, then maybe go to Disneyland.  Gold country is in northern California, right?  I keep telling them, California is a huge state - you can’t see the northern part AND the southern part in one trip.  Maybe they have some kind of gold panning in southern California.

One thing I know for sure: we have to do SOMETHING Disney next year.  I have a Disney Visa, and my points I’ve built up over the years expire in 2009.  Maybe I’ll find a way to sneak away with Lintilla to Epcot. 

Trillian wants her own bathroom now.  No big surprise, really.  She’s been trying to steer us to remodel, and we keep telling her we can’t afford it. 

This post from Aunt B really, really brought home to me the awesome responsibility I have.  And I don’t mean to my daughter, I already feel the full weight of that.  At my “other gig”, I do entertainment and celebrity reporting.  I won’t talk about how large my readership is, let’s just say it’s beyond my wildest dreams.  (Amazingly, I’m still the slacker in my channel).  Most of my readers are young women, from about 15-25.  Let’s just say there are a LOT of them.

I can’t sit and complain about how the media portrays beauty, I am the media.  I am required to post red carpet photos and the like.  The photos I choose to display, the comments I make about those photos, and my commentary all have an impact.  The show I write about is probably the only body-positive show on television today, so at least I have a head start.

I can only hope and pray that I have the wisdom to always do the right things for these girls and women.

*Those of you who only read me here might ask, “When did you talk about Barack Obama?”  I haven’t here, but I’ve been all over the comments at other folks’ blogs.

Iowa On My Mind

This week at my kids’ school, they’re conducting the Iowa Tests of Basic Skills(ITBS).  By the way, every time I see that acronym, I want to say “Itsy Bitsy”.

Anyway, this is a BIG deal at the school, to the educators, the parents, AND the students.  For the school, they get a quantifiable measurement of their work to put in the school brochure.  Parents get the joy of saying that their kid tests in the 99th percentile and is at a “n-grade level” (n usually being 4 or 5 grades above their actual grade level).  Students get a whole week of everyone treating them like they are little princes and princesses. (No homework!  Make sure to eat 2 good meals and have a snack!  Get plenty of sleep!  Parents, make sure little johnny has no distractions at home!)

It’s actually been pretty nice this week, and I’ll miss going back to the grind next week (till spring break the following week, of course).  In a few months, I’ll be posting my kids’ astronomical scores - if they continue along the path they’ve followed in the Iowa’s so far, my 4th and 5th graders are both about ready to graduate high school (skills-wise).  I’m not bragging, because I take very little credit for it.  I only take credit for their good looks

Trillian is still very especially talented in math.  Off the charts talented.  I’m so happy that getting a new teacher has eliminated those “I hate math even though I’m great at it” sentiments.  Interestingly, when you ask her what she wants to do when she grows up, none of the paths is tied to advanced mathematics at all (design or architecture, zoology or veterinary medicine, chef). 

It is amazing that we do not share any DNA, but are just alike.  Both of us have high aptitudes in logical skills, yet prefer endeavors that are artistic or “caring”. (Although you might consider zoology “scientific”, you’d have to understand my daughter to understand her motivations.) 

My son has an extreme aptitude in language, yet is gearing himself toward some kind of science.  No accounting for taste, I guess.  Personally, I think he’d be a great lawyer or politician.  That boy can never lose an argument - and the funny thing is, he’s outsmarting me and winning more and more of them lately.

Of course, 6 years is a long time, and even then, many people have no idea what they’d like to do with their lives when they get to college.  All I can do is celebrate them for who they are, and ensure that they understand that no road is closed to them, no matter which path they choose to take.

Civics Lesson

My daughter is mad as heck, and she’s not going to take it anymore.  We’ve talked about it before, but I guess with the presidential election going on, it has come to the forefront in her consciousness. 

Trillian blurted out in the car this afternoon, “I’m angry that I can’t run for president.”

I asked her, “Do you WANT to run for president?”

“No.  But if I wanted to, I can’t.  That’s wrong.”

She even pointed out a certain injustice I had never thought of before.  She reminded me that the children of illegal immigrants can become president, if they were born in the US.  Yet, even with citizen parents who went through all the right channels to get her to the United States, her 8 months in Korea at the beginning of her life disqualify her for our nation’s highest office.

Now, I didn’t want to get into a deep philosophical discussion with her about the sins of the father.  I admired her critical thinking skills (especially for a 10 year old), and suggested she write to her congressman and two senators.  She is working on it right now, and with her permission, I will post the full text of her letter here. 

She even has an idea: to keep the original intent of the constitution, she suggests that naturalized citizens should be allowed to run for president after being a citizen for 20 years.  Makes sense to me.

If she gets responses from any of the officials she writes, I will post those here as well.

Fear Has A New Name

I’ve told y’all many times, I’ve rushed the kids’ development since they were babies.  We had them on solid food early, we went stright from cribs to double mattrresses on the floor, we potty trained quite early, we taught them to read early, and on and on. 

I have no doubt many of these were mistakes, but we won’t know until they grow up and start going to the therapist.

However, this is the first time we’ve reached one of these milestones, and I’m nervous.  My daughter has been voluntering on weekends with an animal rescue.  I’ve been so proud of her. Up until now, her mother has been with her the whole time.

Well, this weekend, we have a very important children’s council meeting at church (oh, boy - a committee meeting!).  It starts BEFORE the rescue starts its adoption setup.  We had resigned ourselves that Trillian was just going to have to skip this weekend, and stay with the other unfortunate kids whose parents are on this church comitttee.

That was before she informed me that she had invited one of her friends to meet her at the rescue tomorrow.  And before her brother decided HE’D rather do volunteer work than hang around while adults had a stupid meeting.  When he would rather work, you know it’s serious.

So, I’ll be.  We’re dropping the kids off at the rescue and leaving them there.  By themselves.  Well, the adults that run the rescue (and there are LOTS) will be there, and we trust them implicitly.  And we’re leaving them with one of our cell phones, so this will be a trial run of tween cell phone ownership.

I’ve always been the one who has been excited about the kids reaching these milestones, and left the fretting up to Lintilla.  Yet, I am quite nervous. 

Of course, if this experiment works, this opens up all kinds of possibilities.  For instance, when I was about 12, I remember my parents being quite anxious to drop us boys off at the movies on Saturday afternoons.  At the time, I had no idea why on earth they’d want to be alone in the house, with no kids around.

HMMMM…..

Storms A-Comin’

But He replied to them, “When it is evening, you say, ‘It will be fair weather, for the sky is red.’

“And in the morning, ‘There will be a storm today, for the sky is red and threatening.’ Do you know how to discern the appearance of the sky, but cannot discern the signs of the times? ” - Matthew 16:2-3 (NASB)

I have an 11 year old boy and a 10 year old girl.  At our house, there is change coming.  You can feel it in the air.

Subtle changes are occurring in our kids’ bodies.  Parts growing, other parts, er, sprouting (or so I’ve been told).  My little girl just got over her first bout with acne.  A friend took a long look at her the other day and said, “Her face is changing; it’s becoming less child-like”.

But there’s one thing that tells Lintilla and I we’re in for a bumpy ride.

The moodiness.  Oh, the moodiness!

Last night, we had sulking, we had tears, we had fights, we had screaming, we had the silent treatment.  And this was just at church.  Both of our children, up till now so well behaved and intelligent, seem to have gone insane literally overnight.

Our house suddenly has a tension in the air I’ve never felt before.  They are good kids, but one can’t help but feel we are on the edge of a blowup or a meltdown, or both.

Oh, and we’re dealing with the emotional swings of menopause at the same time.

I’m told that the fun part hasn’t even started yet.  Oh, goodie.  It’s a tough way to live, this highly emotional state, all the time.  I now understand the impulse to get the doctor to give the kids a pill to make all of this stop.  It’s pretty tiring.

But, this is normal.  I was talking with Ford and his wife the other day; they have teens, and they believe that God arranges things so that when it’s time for the kids to leave the house, everybody in that house is eager to see it happen.

We aren’t there yet, but there are signs on the horizon.

Squeals Of Delight

Trillian decided to have a sleepover/slumber party/whatever-they-call-it-these-days tonight, to celebrate her birthday, which is this Sunday.  Our youngest is going to be 10.  Damn.

She bought her first CD that she chose herself, with no input from either parent.  Hannah Montana 2, of course.  But, SHE came to me, plopped the money on my desk, and asked me to order it for her.  She is developing her own tastes, making decisions on her own, paying for things with money she earned.  This is happening way too fast for me.

But back to today.  Annie is here, along with many of Trillian’s other classmates (but not all - another choice she has started making).  They are on the trampoline, and I can hear squeals of delight through the window.  Don’t worry, I’m keeping an eye on them.  They are also practicing some routine they are working on for the school talent show (Hannah Montana, again).

I love their energy, love for life, and general excitedness.  Yes, its noisy here, but I wouldn’t trade this for the world.  Yes, Trillian is growing up too fast.  But, although I adored her as a baby, cherished her as a toddler, loved her as a preschooler, I can tell you that she is a pure delight at this age.  Sure, things are about to change, but every age that children reach brings different joys and challenges.

So, I’ll just get some earplugs and enjoy the ride.

Learning To Love Annie

Being insane, I may be the only parent in the world who does this, but I doubt it.  Since my children have been little, say,  preschool age, I have watched them with their opposite-sex classmates, and play matchmaking games in my head.  I look at little Bobby, and try to picture him as Trillian’s husband one day.  Or little Susie, imagining a sweet courtship with Zaphod.

I have my favorites, always have.  There is one girl at church, we’ll call her Alexis, who is the most well-behaved, intelligent little girl I’ve ever seen.  And, when I’m in one of my insane moods, I’ll picture the grown-up version of Alexis joining our family.  It gives me the warm fuzzies.

But I know love, and I know young men and women.  My compulsive, must-be-organized, order-needing son will one day find the love of his life in a free spirit.  It’s just how things are. 

My matrimonial dreams for my progeny are shattered, because in order to play this mind game with myself, I have to think of the kids at hand.  And there’s only one female free spirit I can think of within my kids’ circle of friends.

And, I don’t like her very much.

Even though she annoys me greatly, Zaphod hates her with the kind of passion that’s usually reserved for the Yankees.  Let me explain how much Zaphod and Annie hate one another.  Annie is Trillian’s best friend from school, and whenever she calls the house, she’ll ask to speak to Zaphod, just so she can yell “I hate you!” and hang up the phone.  My son is always plotting a scheme to “get” her on the playground or in the hallway.  One of his passwords is “IHateAnnie” .  He spares no opportunity to tell me how horrible she is, and how much he hates her.

And most discerning adults know this is 10 year old flirting.

So, I have this picture in my head that one day, when the hormones are right, Zaphod will fall for her.  This scares me to death.  I’d much rather him go for the well-behaved church girl Alexis, who would help him keep a Martha Stewart, picture-perfect home.  But I know that when the time comes, he will fall for a girl more like Annie. 

And she is quite a handful, without any hormones interjected into the situation.  I’ve been playing this mental exercise in my head, just so I’ll be ready when Zaphod brings home - if not Annie - some other tattoed and pierced, conventions-breaking girl.  I’ve been trying to learn to love Annie.

She gets on my nerves to no end, so it is taking a lot of practice.  We are good friends with her parents, so we see a lot of each other.  I try to slow her down long enough to talk to her, to see what makes her tick.  I’m the free-spirit in our family, so I’m not starting from scratch.  And, with all the talk about love being a choice and an active verb, I am trying my best to learn to love Annie.  All I can say is, thank God I’ve got 10 or more years to work on this.

Now, I know that Zaphod will not one day marry Annie, specifically, but I have no doubt it will be a girl of her type.  So, if I could learn to love a crazy, never-stop, damn the rules girl now, maybe I could be more welcoming when the real time comes.

This end the ride through my very strange thought processes.  Please stay inside the cars until they come to a complete stop.

Told you I’m  insane.