Can’t I Have Just A Little Bit Of Peril?

This is the third year in a row my kids have worn their swimsuits to school for field day, but it was too cold to swim (outside).  Luckily, field day is at the Brentwood Y, but they hate swimming inside there.  I have no idea why, but they are pretty adamant about it.

I know it’s awful of me to say, but I wish we could have a just a little bit of that global warming everyone keeps talking about.  I remember mid to late May being much hotter than we’ve seen the last three years.  Heck, last year, we had a hard freeze.  Maybe I should buy an Escallade to hurry things along? :)  Just a wee bit of global warming, please, so we can get May back to normal? (Dear humorless - Please unwad panties.)

My kids have so many non-school things going on through school that academic work is pretty much over for the year.  Which is a shame, because my son needs to take at least one more accellerated math test to raise his grade up to at least a C, or he’s grounded for the summer. 

Not only that, but each of these non-school school events is costing me money - I’ll need to take out a home equity loan just to get through the last couple of weeks of school.  This is one of the perils of sending your kids to school with other kids who are in a higher economic bracket.

That, and being subtly accused of being racist and elitist by the Tennessean.

But, one outcome of my news/blog/radio hiatus is that I just don’t feel the need to prove my goodness to anyone anymore.  Certainly not the Tennessean.  Nor anyone else.  I am what I am.  Love me.  Hate me.  Whatever - I don’t own it anymore.

But, I would like y’all to pray for my son.  His entire school year has come down to one self-test.  He either makes the honor roll, or spends his summer with no video games or television.  Which MIGHT be a good thing.  He could spend it outside, as I remember my summers.

If it ever warms up enough for him to get outside.

 NOTE: we won’t be punishing our son for not making the honor roll, but for getting a D for the second six weeks in a row in Advanced Math. The grading for this class is extremely objective: he has to show mastery of 30 objectives through the accellerated math quizzes. The teacher does not assign them, the student has to take the initiative to take the exams on his own. This has been Zaphod’s downfall. He is not much of a self-motivator. We’ve pushed him all we could this six weeks. In the end, it’s up to him. Dang, he reminds me of me at that age.

One FInal thing, because upon re-reading this it looks like we’re being too tough on Zaphod.  A few weeks ago, some folks from Vanderbilt were using kids from my kids’ school to test some new educational techniques.  They tested each kid in math, used the techniques, then tested them again.  Zaphod was sent home after the first test because he “tested out” - he knew all the material already.  His teacher says he’s one of the most advanced in his class.  SOOOO - getting a “D” because he didn’t take the time to take enough self-assesments - we can’t just let that slide.  That being said, I have the utmost confidence he’ll take the test and raise it to a “B”.  Interestingly, a “C” isn’t really possible this six weeks.  It’s one or the other.

Last Stand

My kids were both born in Pusan, South Korea.  Pusan is a coastal metropolis of 3.69 million, but it is most famous outside of Korea for being the site of the “last stand” of coalition forces at the beginning of the Korean War.

The North Koreans had invaded, and swept away all opposition, until all that was left was a tiny sliver of the Korean peninsula in and around Pusan.  The Americans and South Koreans fought furiously to hold this small area, and were ultimately successfu.  Had they not done this, all of Korea would be under the rule of Kim Yong il today.

I think of this when I look at my Kitchenaid mixer.

With two kids and three dogs, and an extremely busy lifestyle, keeping my house clean has become darned near impossible.  I have ceded ground to the mess week after week - but I make my last stand in the area of my kitchen between the mixer and the sink.

I stand in front of it like Gandalf, shouting “You shall not pass!” to clutter and those who make it.

The rest of my house might be fodder for the health inspector, but that small area is going to remain immaculate, dangit.

The kids go to Florida to visit grandma in a couple of weeks.  I’m hoping I can fight my way out at that time.

Until then, I’ll be cleaning that corner of the kitchen.

Churchy Phrases (Methodist Edition)

Kat’s post about churchy phrases made me laugh.  Having been in quite a number and variety of churches through X-Alt’s music ministry, I recognized them as primarily Baptist (although I’ve heard them in Assembly of God type churches as well).  Now, I don’t think I’ve ever heard them in a Methodist church, so I thought I would add a few phrases I’ve hear, especially in “city” Methodist churches (I don’t want to say “urban” because that means something entirely different in this day and time).

We’ll bring it up in the [X] Committee

This means “We don’t really want to do whatever it is you’re suggesting, but we don’t want to hurt your feelings.  The church bureaucracy will squash your idea, and we can say ‘we TRIED’.

Peace And Justice

“Peace” is and important concept in Christianity.  “Justice” (IMHO) even more so.  I think each of these should be huge part of our mission in the world, personally and corporally as a body of Christ.  However “peace and justice”, when phrased like that and spoken from the pulpit really means “You can get your Obama bumper sticker at the associate pastor’s house”.

I’ll be brief

I’ve been in many churches where, if things are running behind, they’ll stretch the service until the entire program is complete.  Heck, I’ve been in urban churches whose service would last 2, 2 and a half, even 3 hours!  But, most Methodist churches run a tight ship on a strict schedule.  If things get behind, it is up to the pastor to set things right.  He has to cut one of his three points, or drop the joke about the old lady and the junk dealer.  If he doesn’t do this, prominent members of the church will begin looking at their watches.  After all, we’ve got to beat the Baptists to O’Charleys!

There are many more, but Kat had three, so I’ll stop there, before I get excommunicated, which in the Methodist Church means they stop telling you when the committee meetings are.

The DVR Hates Me

OK, I have a Comcast question for anyone who cares to answer.   Comcast’s CS is feast or famine, and this isn’t urgent, just a question I have.

Why does the storage capacity of my DVR seem to change from day to day?  A couple of days ago, I’m sitting happily at about 50%, content that ONE DAY I’ll watch those Discovery “Human Body” episodes I recorded, or that 20/20 that featured the royal family.

I get up this morning, and the screen is filled with an urgent message about my DVR being full and that no more recording can be done.  Of course, this included the CSI NY I was attempting to record last night.  Lintilla’s going to be royally ticked.

Anyway, I proceed to delete everything unnecessary, and hardly a dent was made in the total space used.  I deleted EVERY recorded program but the last Medium.  With that one 1-hour program, 66% was filled.  Granted it was HD, but I’ve had well over 10 hours of HD programming stored before.

I’m going to guess and say that, when maintenance on the DVR is being performed - say a defrag - the necessary space on the DVRs hard drive is reserved and unavailable.

Am I close?

I WILL say that booting the thing doesn’t help, in the immediate term.

I need something concrete to tell my wife, because she thinks I’m an idiot when it comes to the cable TV.  For instance, on either of our receivers, there are times when I pause live TV, start watching again, get to a commercial and hit the fast-forward button.  Nothing happens.  I hit it again, still nothing.  Again,again.  Then 30 seconds later, the DVR begins responds to the first FF, then a few seconds later, the second.  It gets to where the show has come back, so I hit play.  But the DVR is now responding the the 3rd and 4th times I hit FF, and soon, I’m 10 minutes past where I want to be.  When it finally responds to when I hit ‘play’, it’s showing the next set of commercials.  I hit rewind, with no immediate response, and the whole thing starts all over again in reverse.

Lintilla swears this NEVER happens to HER.  And for all I know, it doesn’t.

Are DVR manufacturers involved in some kind of feminist plot to make husbands give up the remote control?

Update:  I should also add - Am I the ultimate dork because I actually watch all the recently added HD channels in Nashville?  Animal Planet , ABC Family (Trillian just discovered Sabrina), Disney, TLC, Discovery,Food Network,History Channel, HGTV,CNN, Science and sometimes even TBS and AMC? 

Various and Sundry

So, what’s been going on in my life?  What HASN’T Been going on?  I now present to you the random bits and pieces of thoughts that have been swirling around in my head lately.

• I was puffed up and extremely humbled within the space of one hour this past Sunday.  X-Alt went back to prison, and before we did my new song, Ford Prefect said some kind words about my writing ability, for which I am most appreciative.  Yet, I wasn’t even the best songwriter in the room that day.  The men did a couple of songs for us, and there was one that had the hook: “I am more than flesh and bone”.  Y’all.  I can’t tell you how well this song was written.  The phrasing, the storyline, the hook - if I can ever write like that, then I’d call myself a writer.

I was taken aback by the men’s reaction when a speaker said “There are demons out there.  There are demons in this place”. Their vehement agreement made me shudder to think what they go through on a daily basis.

• BTW, I’m here to tell you that the community is safe.  If any vagabond do-gooders ever tried to break INTO prison, they  would be stopped at every turn.  Somebody forgot to leave a memo about our visit at the front desk, and we sat there for well over an hour as the coordinator and the prison staff tried to work things out.  We knew the men were expecting us, and we didn’t want to let them down.  As a result, we got started late and had to cut things short.

As usual, I think we got more out of the service than the men did.

• On another note, my kids and I have decided that if any of us is ever elected president, we will scrap “Hail To The Cheif”, and will instead have them play the theme song to “Good Eats” upon entering the room.  Or “Rock Me Amadeus”, with the crowd singing “We the people, we the people!” instead of “Amadeus, Amadeus!” 

Now I’ve given you an earworm I’m sure you don’t appreciate.

• Lintilla doesn’t like lawn-mowing season, because it means she has to check me for ticks.  Now,this sort of thing was fun when we were 25, but …

 What?  I’m sorry, but being 43 years old, there’s now parts of me I can’t see on my own anymore.   You don’t want me to get Lyme Disease, do you?

• Speaking of ticks, I’m working on a post that is sure to tick many folks off.  I’m still developing my thoughts, but it involves cliques and bullies in political discussions.  In essence, the way the right treats patriotism and the way the left treats compassion are two sides of the same coin.  Each side has bullies, and they are tolerated, even encouraged.  These “enforcers” will rhetorically beat into submission any who attempt to join their clique while not wearing the right “clothes”.  Stay tuned…

And no, I’m not whining.

• I have an overwhelming desire to see the episode of Sanford and Son where BB King performed “How Blue Can You Get”.  It was also the first time I ever heard the name “Lipshitz”.  The memory of the way Bubba said it still makes me laugh to the day.

Did anyone else love that show asmuch as I did?

• Bold prediction: The final three in DWTS will be Mario, Jason Taylor, and Kristi Yamaguchi.  That being said, Shannon Elizabeth’s waltz was simply mesmerising.  It was so beautiful it almost made you feel that dull, longing ache one feels when confronted with an indescribably overwhelming beauty.

The fact that I not only watch but actully like DWTS causes me far more ribbing than my Ugly Betty thing.

• Something that affects me, both at work and beyond: I’m a “big picture” thinker.  I understand, I thrive on understanding complex systems and their interdependencies.  I can’t tell you how many times I can see clearly a whole end-to-end system, but I have the hardest time explaining what’s in my head to my single-task oriented coworkers.  I also seem to have the same communication gap outside of work with policy wonks.  We might as well be speaking Apache and Cantonese. 

Anyway, I hope you’ve enjoyed this roller coaster journey into my brain.  I promise, soon I’ll give you something a little less disjointed.

PS - I haven’t seen some of you in quite a while.  I think it’s time we remedied that.

PPSS - If there are any misspellings in this post, you can blame that on the fact that I can’t find the spell checker in the new WordPress text editor.  Next thing you know, they’ll expect me to do math without a calculator. 

This Tickles Me

Arguably the biggest star in America, the person who outsells all others in pop music, with a hit TV show and an upcoming major film…

 …prefers Nashville restaurants to those in Los Angeles.

Miley Cyrus is looking forward to returning to her Middle Tennessee home on April 12 to co-host the April 14 CMT Music Awards and film her first Hannah Montana feature film…

…Believe it or not, she loves Nashville’s food over the West Coast’s. “I swear, I’ll gain 20 pounds by the time I leave there,” she said. “There are so many more better restaurants than here. There’s more variety there.

“I love Cracker Barrel, of course. J. Alexander’s is my all-time favorite.”

Gasp!  A chain!

OK, I know she’s only 15, what does she know?  She probably even likes Pizza Hut.

If she shops at WalMart, heads will explode all over Green Hills.

Darned Sons Of Biscuit Eaters

Their frickin’ cuss meter is full of crap.

Created by OnePlusYou

I’m going to kick their butts, the ignorant bustards.

Shoot.

Fellow Geeks: I Present The Greatest Song Ever

If you are a web designer or coder, you’ll love this.  It’s my new favorite song.

 And, listen to his advice.  It’s good.

Why We Don’t Get Invited To West Meade Parties

Our “China Cabinet”

And this is the fancy stuff.

It’s like Foxworthy says about a redneck’s tee shirt drawer.  By looking at our plastic cups, you can see where we go to eat, where we went to school, which football team we watch, who we work with, and where we’ve been on vacation for the last 16 years. 

It Had To Happen

Stuff White People Like is now going to be a book.

BTW, for those of you who read the site, go over each entry, then tell me: who is whiter, Mack or me?  The absolute whitest person (by SWPL standards) I read is Claudia, all the way down to the love for produce co-ops.  The least would be Ivy, who is definitely a WINO.

Seriously once you figure out who the guy is talking about (Braisted), it’s VERY funny.